Statistics show that violent crime is down overall in recent years in the United States. I think that violent video games are clearly to blame for this troubling trend. I mean, just think about it: people playing violent video games are just sitting around all day playing video games, so they’re going to be way too out of shape to actually perpetrate any violent crimes; and since they are getting their aggressions out through violent fantasy role-playing games, they’re not going to have enough bottled-up angst left to commit any real acts of violence. This is the real threat to our culture. You see, parents and church groups have been rallying for years against violent video games and all the crime they purportedly cause. Do you want all of that to end up having been a waste of time? Think of what might happen! They’d get all frustrated, and then since they don’t play violent video games, they’d have no other way to get their frustration and aggression out but through actual, real acts of violence. And the more statistical proof that comes out that violent video games do not cause actual violence, the more frustrated and angry they will become, which will obviously lead to these groups lashing out with yet more and more hideously violent crimes. I’m telling you, it’s a vicious cycle! Surely it’s better to ban these types of violent video games altogether, before the country runs red with blood from all of the explosive violence erupting from the frustrated fuming church groups and parental associations when they find out that the evidence doesn’t support their cause. Hey, maybe they’d even commit crimes in an attempt to blame it on kids who play violent video games and thus prove their point. And who do you think the government would believe: a collection of church and parental groups, or a bunch of kids who must be disturbed hooligans anyway since they play those horrible violent video games? See what I mean? And guess what else: with all these out-of-shape, well-adjusted, angst-less kids thanks to violent video games, who’s going to be able to fight in the military? Yep, we’d better just ban them all.
