Yes, it’s time for the extreme supermoon, or the super-extreme moon, or whichever they were talking about. And the revenge part? Well, it's one of those rare times when it is raining for days where I live, so I'm going to miss seeing the super-extreme supermoon tonight, which has me a little disappointed. I know, I made fun of the supermoon, so I don’t get to see it; it’s my own fault. But I was hoping to find out if werewolves would get all extra big and steroid-y muscle-y-looking like in that old video game "Altered Beast" because of the supermoon (In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, “Altered Beast” is a video game from the late 1980s that is still available for the iPad and other current platforms. A friend of mine used to play it in our college dining center basement all the time. The character the player plays is a regular guy with a blond mullet until you absorb some power thingy, and then he gets all huge-muscled, at which point my friend would say: "Take steroids!" Then with the next power thingy you absorb, the steroid abuser mullet guy would turn into a werewolf. But not just any werewolf: a werewolf on steroids! {That's the best kind!}), but now I'll never know. All the werewolves here are all skinny and stuff, like the coyote from the Roadrunner cartoons. Maybe they’re all junkies or something. Or maybe they’re all models and actors/actresses who are just never allowed to eat anything; and what’s the point of being a werewolf if you can’t even eat anything? What’s even sillier but probably true is that they’re all vegetarians: that’s why they’re so cranky and attacking people who eat meat all the time.
Not familiar with “Altered Beast”, or just want to see what a werewolf on steroids looks like? Simply follow this link:
How about that supermoon? Here’s an article about all the stuff that might happen to everyone who’s not a werewolf:
Actually, never mind about that last article, as it makes fun of and debunks the very real behavioral effects of this supermoon. How can I be so sure, you ask? Well, for one thing, that polar bear Knut (from the Berlin zoo) died today, so that has to be from the supermoon. Full moons are really great for werewolves and stuff, but they’re really bad for polar bears. Everyone knows that. So it figures that a supermoon would kill them. But maybe not all of them; maybe just ones in zoos and stuff. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because Knut was rejected by his mother and brought up in captivity. That might weaken him vs. polar bears in the wild. You know, that actually makes more sense, doesn’t it? Maybe Knut’s mother had seen this sort of thing before, and knowing about the cycles of the moon like she obviously did, she didn’t want to see Knut grow up in a prison just to die like a dog. Hmm, I guess that means that the supermoon is also bad for dogs, so bring your dogs inside tonight and let them sleep in the house. Um, where was I? Oh yes, of course, polar bears in zoos are more susceptible to death from supermoons than polar bears in the wild. Well duh, just ask any wildlife expert. Oh, and more proof about the supermoon’s effects? Well, how’s this? Some guy with a knife threatened somebody at a basketball game today (it was at the Staples Center in Los Angeles at a Clippers/Cavaliers game). If that doesn’t prove it, nothing will; except maybe this: we launched missiles at Libya today! Awesome! I can’t wait for the whole world to blame the United States for everyone who dies and everything that goes wrong or even happens from now on. Oh, what am I saying? Surely everything will be all our fault now from the very beginning!
