It’s Traitor Taters, the exciting 3D computer animated espionage movie about vegetarian villainy! Yes, these spy spuds use their ubiquitous and unsuspected potato eyes to spy for foreign powers, undermining the homeland! Plus, they are conspiring with their corrupting carbs to fatten us up for the slaughter!
But when they get caught, look out, for the ban on enhanced interrogation does not apply to starch, so to get intel from these traitor taters, military intelligence whips the potatoes, skins the potatoes, wraps them in aluminum foil and bakes the potatoes in a small hot box, and pours salt in their wounds! But the potatoes fight back by teaching other potatoes to explode in the microwave in kitchen counter attacks!
We should have been on to them from the start, what with all their underground activities! What are they trying to hide, growing their dirty plans hidden beneath the surface, right under our very noses? It’s time to pull their secret network up by the roots and put the heat on these sinister Solanum spies and tuber terrorists!
Oh, but to them they’re not spies, nor terrorists, but instead freedom fighters, battling back against a society that commits widespread atrocities against them such as peeling, chopping, boiling, frying and eating them in a mass perennial genocide! They claim they’re being systematically bred and harvested for food like cattle! Oh, the gastronomic genocide that’s been perpetrated against their kind in a dastardly but delicious decimation. They claim their sole aim is to eradicate the pernicious potato pogrom, but can we really trust an underground group like potatoes? After all, they are singlehandedly responsible for the Potato Famine: the name of the famine alone proves it!
We’re going to hash things out with these traitor taters, never you fear! And when we’re done with them, we’re going to stamp out the terrible terrorist threat of tofu treachery! Yes, the cruel conniving curd of sadistic savage soy’s brutal barbaric beans is coming for your family! Beware! Watch out! Heed the warning of Tofu Terror!
That’s Traitor Taters: Coming soon to a grindhouse theater near you!
Also, Tofu Terror: It’s coming soon to curdle your blood! Its promo piece is at the following link:
http://unconditionedresponse.blogspot.com/2014/04/tofu-terror.html
(Hey, maybe this idea would work well for some weight-loss program, saying potatoes claim to be healthy, but they will betray you with their carbs, causing weight-gain.)
(Hey, maybe this idea would work well for some weight-loss program, saying potatoes claim to be healthy, but they will betray you with their carbs, causing weight-gain.)
