It’s Terror Slashers, the upcoming hybrid horror movie about slasher killers and terrorism, where American movie slasher killers go after terrorists for the ultimate in bloody horror!
Watching news of more and more deadly terrorist attacks on TV (they all share a house together, the slasher killers), slasher movie characters grow concerned that with all this real-life terror, nobody’s going to be afraid of them anymore when they just stalk and kill a handful of annoying teenagers, and so nobody will go see their movies anymore. And so the slasher killers team up to go kill all the terrorists, showing that they are, in fact, much more nightmarish killing machines than any terrorist.
Freddy Krueger (from A Nightmare on Elm Street) begins the assault on terrorist groups by entering their dreams and turning them into horrific nightmares, which, because they’re terrorists, involve everyone of all religions (and atheists) living together peacefully and in harmony, and with equal rights for women, the LGBT community, etc. (Maybe there’s even a dream featuring NASCAR for women race car drivers only.) Then Michael Myers (from Halloween) and Jason Voorhees (from Friday the 13th) engage the enemy in a full frontal assault. The terrorists shoot them with machine guns and hit them with rocket-propelled grenades, but as we all know, these slasher killers are deathless killing machines, and so they just sit up and keep coming, eventually stabbing everyone with knives and such; and, naturally, Leatherface (from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre) cuts them all up with a chain saw once the terrorists have been wounded (Leatherface is not a deathless demon type, so he has to wait for the enemy to be neutralized before he gets to contribute his part). And then, in the afterlife, the terrorists are met by the Cenobites (from Hellraiser); and you know how much the Cenobites love introducing sadists to the pain they inflict on others, so you have a pretty good idea where things would go from there.
Yes, it’s the most cathartic horror movie about terrorism ever conceived, it’s Terror Slashers: coming soon to a theater near you!
(Actually, this is just a joke; but I’ll bet it would make a very popular horror movie if someone actually made it.)
