I’ve seen Eric Holder on the news a lot lately for issues of corruption and such, and I thought he would be great for a commercial for Just for Men Beard Dye. (His mustache is black, but his hair is gray. He’s like the opposite of John Bolton, who has gray hair and a white mustache.) So here’s how it would work:
Eric Holder, with a gray mustache, is being grilled on Capitol Hill for obstruction of justice, perjury, etc., for the Fast and Furious program, and the news says it looks bad for him, etc. But just then, in between hearings, those guys in that Just for Men van drive up to the stairs of the Capitol building, and they run inside and give Attorney General Holder the Just for Men Beard Dye, and they tell him to use it on his mustache. So he runs to the bathroom, and he dyes his mustache, and when they return to the hearings, everyone notices a difference in him. And he looks so honest and trustworthy (not to mention cool and sexy!) with his new dark mustache, that even Darrell Issa has to apologize for wasting the time of such a cool guy with suspicions of wrongdoing.
Oh, but then tons of Congresswomen jump on him in front of the cameras (since he’s so sexy and irresistible now that he’s dyed his mustache), and his wife files for divorce. Oh, no! But hey, at least now he’ll be covered non-stop with chicks! And then he’ll be too busy to screw up the country with his wrong-headed policies and corruption anymore for awhile! And then the ad could say that you too can get away with perjury, obstruction of justice, and unconstitutional policies if only you’ll use Just for Men Beard Dye! (And then they’ll sell a lot of it in Washington, D.C., I’ll bet! {Probably to both parties!})
