No, not a new co-branding of jeans, but the job title. Yes, here in Hollywood, if there’s a living organism you need to use in a movie, there’s an accompanying person who makes sure it does its job: a (whatever kind of creature) wrangler. And that means that, yes, if you need writhing maggots in your horror movie, you’re going to need a maggot wrangler. (Unless you’re a non-union production, I guess. Then you can go catch your own, I suppose. So long as you don’t mind being infested with flies forever after, that is.)
I guess my favorite part of this whole idea is the job title of “Maggot Wrangler”. But I guess it’s also fun to know that for people making ghost movies and slasher fare and such, there’s someone out there somewhere in Hollywood who makes it their business to have the most squishy, squirmy, creepy, stomach-churning maggots available at your beck and call, 24-hours a day, whenever you may need them for some disgusting effects shot. And they can’t wait to get that call so they can come deliver the highest-quality maggot infestation imaginable for your gross-out horror show! They take great pride in that job of “Maggot Wrangler”: it’s what they do! And somehow, that makes anyone and everyone else’s job seem positively glamorous by comparison.
And while I’m making fun of the job title: “Maggot Wrangler”, I’ve seen the CGI attempts, and the rice being moved around Jell-O by some control mechanism, and it’s got nothing on the real thing! Yes, if you want to disgust your audience, and make them look twice into that tub of popcorn to be sure it’s not squirming, you need real, vomit-inducing maggots! And to get them, you’re going to need a maggot wrangler. I kid you not! That’s just the way it is in Tinseltown!
Now, I joke a lot on here, and I’m sarcastic much of the time. I hope you can generally tell when I’m joking or being silly or snide, but here I’m being totally serious. At this very moment, there are a number of people in the greater Los Angeles area who make it their business to have buckets of the most choice squirmy maggots for anyone who might need them. Do you want a delicious banquet to become a rotten squirm-fest due to a haunting? Would you like to show the handiwork of a serial killer found just a couple of weeks late? Are you hoping to have your zombies disgust as well as shock and scare by dripping maggots out of their eye sockets? Well, there’s only one person to call: the maggot wrangler. Maybe they also raise other gross stuff for other occasions, like rats and snakes and cockroaches, etc.; but if you want some maggots in your union movie, you’re going to need a maggot wrangler. And who knows, maybe they even sell jeans for maggots called “Maggot Wranglers” (for when they have to look sexy, I guess).
