Apparently, there is an upcoming sequel to Clash of the Titans called Wrath of the Titans. But this doesn’t even rhyme with Clash of the Titans. Why didn’t they use a title that rhymes? Think of all the possibilities they missed out on! Why, there’s a plethora of them!
They could have made Trash of the Titans. In this movie, the Titans are just littering all over the place, and making the ancient Mediterranean look like a pigsty! So it could be an environmentally-themed movie about recycling, ending littering, making more eco-friendly product packaging, and Perseus having to kick some more Titan butt to get those Titans to stop being such slobs and litterbugs. It couldn’t miss!
Then they missed out on the can’t-miss idea of Stash of the Titans! This one could go two ways. One way would be about Titans who have to hide their mythological-strength weed from their other pot-head Titan buddies, and all the hijinks that ensue from them all getting stoned, etc., and getting busted by the Titan cops. It would be like Up in Smoke, but with Titans. The other way to go with this movie would be to have Perseus and some other warrior dudes happen upon a hidden drug stash belonging to some Titans. So they all get high, the Titans show up and get mad, and then Perseus and his band of warriors have to fight off the Titan threat while they’re all high. And they somehow win, and then they all bring the Titans’ drug stash to Athens and get fabulously wealthy dealing Titan drugs to everyone. (It wasn’t illegal yet in ancient times! So they were classic high times back then!)
Then there’s the possibility of them having made Flash of the Titans. In this film, there is a scourge in the ancient world of pervert Titans wearing long raincoats, sneaking up to people and flashing them. Everyone would be shocked and offended! So then Persues and his merry band of vice-squad soldiers could nab these Titanic sex fiends and put them on the ancient sex-offenders’ registry. Then the Titans would have to go around to everyone’s house throughout the Mediterranean and tell them they’re sex offenders. It would be NC-17, though, because of what Titanic junk they’d be flashing at people.
Then they might have made Hash of the Titans. This one would be where Perseus beats some Titan, and to keep him from killing them, the Titan offers Perseus some Titan hash, and everyone Perseus knows gets totally stoned on this Titan hash! And actually, they could have it make them get literally stoned, like when Medusa looks at them! In fact, maybe Perseus hunts down the other Gorgons, and that’s who give him the hash, but it’s a trick to get revenge for Perseus killing Medusa, and it turns him and whoever else smokes it to stone! And then the movie explains that this is why it is called “getting stoned”: this little-known mythological stoner story.
They also could have done Crash of the Titans. In this movie, one young Titan gets his driver’s license and a new chariot, drinks an enormous amphora of wine, and has a chariot wreck. Either that, or it could be a remake of the movie Crash, but with all Titans filling in for the previous characters. Or, it could even be about how some slacker Titan crashes on someone’s couch for weeks on end, and then the guy has to get Perseus to help him oust the Titan from his house and get the Titan to leave him alone. It would be awesome!
Another possibility is Lash of the Titans. This one would be an S&M/Bondage movie with Titans whipping and spanking ancient beauties, and Perseus must go on a quest to save some princess from the festish fancies of a twisted Titan. Then it would have lots of prurient appeal!
Also possible could have been Dash of the Titans. In this one, Perseus, riding on Pegasus, must race a bunch of Titans for the hand of some fair maiden princess and to free her people or whatever, and they would have had like an ancient version of Deathrace 2000 (Maybe Deathrace 2000 B.C.?), killing people who are watching the race all throughout the Mediterranean!
They also missed out on M.A.S.H. of the Titans, where there are field hospitals set up to treat wounded Titans whenever Perseus fights and defeats another one of them. And we could get Medusa to have Alan Alda’s face! And he keeps turning the Kraken to stone every time he comes out of the shower as a joke! Oh, the hijinks that would ensue!
They might also have made Bash of the Titans, where it’s a really big party the Titans are throwing, and there’s tons of Titanic booze and reefer! Then it’s like a big house party movie, and Perseus and his merry fighting men crash the party and everyone gets totally wasted. It would be a “classic” party movie!
These all would have been mega-hits, I’m sure, each leading to their own video game empire! Especially Trash of the Titans: the game would combine all the excitement of cleaning up your room with the thrilling action of taking out the trash! And of course Flash of the Titans would have its own naughty spin-off website, showing flashing “Titans”.
Here’s the IMDB page for Wrath of the Titans:
