Well, Newt didn’t win down South like he had hoped, coming in third in Alabama and Mississippi, and so more and more news people are asking if he’ll drop out of the race. But what would he do instead? He can’t campaign for Romney after sniping at him so personally, can he? But I think I know what he might be good for: a life-sized Pillsbury dough boy! He could help sell crescent rolls in commercials!
Oh, but then again, he might not be very good at doing that, even if he looks the part. He’d probably forget who he was working for and accidentally say crescents will indoctrinate our children into Islam with their buttery goodness, and how come we can’t have crucifix rolls instead since America is a center-right country built on Christian values, and why is Pillsbury trying to corrupt our nation’s youth, etc.? And that might not sell them as much as having the regular dough boy propagandize for them. Um, I mean, advertising for them. (Even I forgot I wasn’t talking about politics for a second, so imagine what Newt might do!)
