A large hairy man (exaggerated to the size of King Kong)
climbs the Empire State Building wearing a pair of thong underwear (and nothing
else), and as he climbs, and reaches the top, his butt faces onlookers,
horrifying them, with men and women alike screaming in horror. Then the
announcer says: “Cover yourself right, with Tommy Hilfiger long boxer briefs!”
Then we see a male model wearing the Tommy Hilfiger long boxer briefs walk down
the street and everyone cheers. Then he gets into a biplane and takes off down
Broadway to fight King Thong.
(I selected Tommy Hilfiger for this proposed ad because
Tommy Hilfiger was the first company to bring back the long boxer brief I love
that Calvin Klein used to call the Gripper Jam. Calvin Klein stopped making
them, and then so did everyone else, following fashion trends like empty-headed
idiots. But Calvin Klein was bought recently by another company who has run
them into the ground with bad quality and lame designs, so thank God somebody
thought better of following their example and brought back what thousands upon
thousands of men want: the long boxer brief. Because unless you’re a model,
underwear is really about comfort, and not about looking hot while being
photographed.)
There are the long boxers I’m referring to (They’re called
“Classic Boxer Briefs”):
