A new series of ads is running all over cable television
lately asking you to call their number now so they can sue, sue, sue everyone
over your testosterone side effects. One particular ad in this bunch of ambulance-chaser
shills says that if you suffered complications from testosterone use, you
should call 1-800-BAD-DRUG, and then they say that possible problems include
heart attack, stroke, and death. But if you’re dead, how are you supposed to
cash in? I think they need to let us know how to do it just in case we die and
want some cash.
So for people who have died from testosterone treatments,
they need a special ad. And this spot should say that if you died from
testosterone therapy, you should haunt a psychic or spiritual medium until they
call 1-800-BAD-DRUG, and then they’ll dig up your grave and dump wads of cash
in your casket with your corpse. And if you can’t get any psychics to call for
you without trying to rip you off, then maybe you could find that ghost girl
from the One Missed Call movies, and
perhaps she’ll show you how to make phone calls from beyond the grave yourself,
and then you can call. Or else maybe you could ask Sadako from Ringu to show you how to crawl out of a
TV set, and you could contact them that way. You just can’t let a chance like
this pass you by!
