Reportedly the LA Clippers need a new name for their team, seeing as how the Clippers moniker was originally intended for another city, and supposedly the team’s current name will always be associated with this Sterling racist comment thing, at least according to opinion pieces I’ve read masquerading as journalism. So okay, they should change their name, and what better name than the LA Traffic?
The traffic in Los Angeles is tough and very hard to defeat. It’s also very grueling, and almost impossible to take for long, as it wears you down with its relentlessness and its all-encompassing power over everyone in the city. No one can escape, no one can overcome the Los Angeles traffic, no matter how rich, powerful, strong, patient, talented, hard-working, etc., anyone is: they’re no match for the never-ending, all-powerful, indefatigable LA traffic. It’s always on the move, it’s unpredictable, it’s unrelenting, and it’s potentially dangerous and deadly. And it will tie you up for hours and exhaust you completely without warning. (And aren’t all those qualities positive, desirable qualities for a basketball team? And aren’t they accurate of this great Clippers team nowadays?)
Just think of how merciless and intimidating the LA traffic is. And with a name that strikes fear and intimidation into the hearts of everyone who has ever been to Los Angeles, the LA Traffic basketball team would have an edge no other team has! It would be a truly locale-appropriate intimidating name, one that everybody would instantly recognize as suitable for the name for a great team that never gives up, and has gotten tougher and thicker and fiercer, and harder and harder to take on as time goes by.
So come on Clippers, change your name, to: The LA Traffic!
The only other appropriate Los Angeles-themed names a sports team could really consider would have to be entertainment/movie industry oriented possibilities like the Stars, the Media Whores, the Paparazzi, the Actors, the Awards Shows, the Talent, the Agents, the Directors, the Producers, the Rabid Film Fans, the Canyons, the Kardashians, the Stallones, the Action Stars; or as other LA-specific qualities, like for example: the Hollywood Hills, the Sun Shiners, the Surfers, the Police Brutality, the Excessive Force, etc. (<Actually, that last one sounds appropriately menacing, doesn’t it?)
Then again, another possibility could be to rename the team the LA Riots. After all, LA has had a number of riots over the years, and it is something that’s both exceedingly well known about the city historically, and it’s a name with intimidating/unpredictable/powerful/frightening qualities. So, for a name that’s both recognizable and frightening, it’s hard to do better than the LA Riots. Also, it would suggest to fans how they should behave whenever the team wins the national championship. (But the LA Riots may be offensive to some people, or it may be viewed as presenting the city in a negative light, so maybe it’s not permissible: who knows?)
Here’s one of the articles insisting upon a name change for the Clippers:
