Russia’s animal mascot is a bear, and annoyed that the Teddy
Roosevelt-inspired teddy bear has become the best-loved stuffed animal in the
world, Russia is planning to dethrone the teddy bear with the new Russian
Vladdy Bear.
Based on the burly and often shirtless Vladimir Putin, the
Vladdy Bear will be a big, strong stuffed Russian bear, but with iron fists to
repress everyone with.
“It is for too long that the world has suffered under the
American teddy bear hegemony,” said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov,
continuing: “Now the day has come for the Russian Vladdy Bear to invade and
conquer the hearts of the world.”
Each Vladdy Bear will come with a certificate of
authenticity, a secret camera and bug for surveillance, and a pull string that
blames America for all the ills of the world. Get yours today and avoid being
detained when the tanks roll in!
