Sunday, April 27, 2014

Vladdy Bear

Russia’s animal mascot is a bear, and annoyed that the Teddy Roosevelt-inspired teddy bear has become the best-loved stuffed animal in the world, Russia is planning to dethrone the teddy bear with the new Russian Vladdy Bear.

Based on the burly and often shirtless Vladimir Putin, the Vladdy Bear will be a big, strong stuffed Russian bear, but with iron fists to repress everyone with.

“It is for too long that the world has suffered under the American teddy bear hegemony,” said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, continuing: “Now the day has come for the Russian Vladdy Bear to invade and conquer the hearts of the world.”

Each Vladdy Bear will come with a certificate of authenticity, a secret camera and bug for surveillance, and a pull string that blames America for all the ills of the world. Get yours today and avoid being detained when the tanks roll in!