Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Toyota Terror Trucks

The news has been talking about a recent drone strike on an al Qaida group in Yemen (AQAP) after they made a brazen YouTube video of their meeting. Well, the one thing that stood out to me, being the ad crazed person I am, was that they were all driving one brand of pickup truck: Toyota. And that made me wonder: since there's obviously such a big militant market out there for Toyota pickup trucks, do they make militant-specific advertising, or militant-specific brands for these terrorists types?

We all know the pickup truck ads we have in America, with farmers and such carrying loads of animals or building materials around, driving along dirt roads and up and down hills and through puddles and such, right? Well, to sell their trucks to terrorists, Toyota could show some of this footage, and then say: "Other truck bands say they're tough, but are they tough enough to be shot at with drones and stuff?"

Then they could make specific terrorist truck models for sale in the Middle East, like the Toyota Terrorist, the Toyota Militant, the Toyota Extremist; and for the higher-ups, they could market an upscale truck, like the Lexus Jihad and the Lexus Fatwa. Sure, they're already the #1 brand of pickup trucks among terrorist groups, but this would really seal the deal with them such that nobody would be willing to be caught dead in another brand of truck! (And they will be caught dead in their truck at some point, you can be pretty sure of that eventuality: America will see to that!)

Hey, how about a slogan like: "Life is short when you're a terrorist, so buy a truck you'd be proud to drive to paradise." Then they could show dead terrorists showing up in their Toyota and getting all the virgins, but then some terrorists show up in some other brand of pickup truck, and the virgins all snub them, so one says to the other: "I told you to buy a Toyota! Now we're going to be left out for all eternity!"

(Of course, this is just a joke. I'm just making fun of the easily verifiable fact that more terrorists drive Toyota pickup trucks than any other brand.)

Here's a CNN news story about a recent terrorists meeting and subsequent drone strike in Yemen with a related video showing the militants driving Toyota pickups trucks:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/21/world/meast/yemen-drone-strike/