Fiat Godzilla Ad

Apparently, according to this ad, if you want to get eaten by Godzilla, you should buy a Fiat, because that’s what giant monsters want to eat. They’re like M&Ms and Skittles to giant monsters! (Although I heard Godzilla thought they were Minis, and he was so disgusted by the Fiat when he was expecting a Mini that he attacked the city and destroyed it. And that’s why he spits out the last Fiat at the end of the ad: because they taste lousy! {I guess Fiats are the Reese’s Pieces of cars.})

But whether you get eaten by Godzilla or what, you’ll definitely die in a Fiat!* That’s the message they’re trying to send with this ad; but they didn’t want to just come out and say it, so they used the Godzilla metaphor.

Here’s the consumed car commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKpzU2GSVC0

* (That certainly is what it looks like they’re trying to say with this commercial, doesn’t it? Unless you drive a yellow one, that is: then you get spit out, but usually from a much greater height. But this ad edits out the part where Godzilla uses his atomic ray breath to atomize the car after spitting it out; he almost always does that to the yellow ones I hear.)

Buick “Hmm” Ad

In this new ad for Buick, we see people who have bought new Buicks confuse their friends (who know they’ve bought a Buick) by showing up in a nice car.

Um, I’m not so sure the best advertising strategy is to say their new products don’t suck nearly as badly as their older ones did, but if that’s the direction they want to go in, um, okay… (As the title of this commercial states: “Hmm.”)

It is true that many American cars were pretty lame excuses for automobiles from around the mid 1970s until recently, so this strategy might work to get some interest for their cars after all by admitting the previous models were not so great due to laziness, overprotection by Congress (due to lobbying), cutting corners, mandates to use up their stock of old parts (which is exactly what the current GM ignition key recalls are all about: following old protectionist penny-pinching bad habits), etc.

But there’s just something about people in a Buick ad essentially saying: “I thought you bought a piece-of-sh!t Buick, and I don’t see a piece-of-sh!t car, so where are you?” that does not exactly inspire confidence in Buicks. But maybe that’s just me. (You know, most American cars were beautiful, cool, awesome, etc., from the early days until the early 1970s, so instead of insulting their brand by maligning all their previous cars, why not say instead that their new cars bring back the glory days of Buick, back when they were beautiful? That would essentially do the same thing strategy-wise, but without insulting the brand as undesirable. See what I mean?)

Here’s the questionable car commercial:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7SDn/2014-buick-lineup-hmm

And here are some old Buicks (These are definitely some gorgeous cars! An ad for new Buicks could show these and then show their new cars and say they’re keeping up the tradition of beautiful car design. Wouldn’t that work better for making Buicks seem desirable than this ad they’re currently running?):

http://carnewscafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/1938-buick-yjob-concept-large-1.jpg

http://www.hobbycar.com/MarkLobBuickSuper56.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/80/1959_Buick_Electra_225_Riviera_Sedan_wings.JPG

http://www.automobile-riekmann.at/verkauf/buick_riviera_gs_1967_rot_l.jpg

http://img005.lazycars.info/cars/buick_riviera_boattail/buick_riviera_boattail_boattail_78AHchL3.sized.jpg

http://www.midamericaauctions.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/133A_2-1971-Buick-Riviera-Boattail.jpg

The Importance of Being Earnest

Jay Carney is resigning, soon to be replaced by Josh Earnest, a deputy press secretary. Using their names as a guide, one might get the impression that the president seeks to end the media circus and seedy carnival atmosphere his administration’s numerous scandals have invited and replace them with a frank, sincere, adult discussion with the press.

Well, good luck with that…

Here’s the story of the shuffling secretaries of subterfuge:

http://www.politico.com/story/2014/05/jay-carney-resigns-josh-earnest-replacement-107265.html?hp=t1

(Boy, that Earnest guy’s name had better be ironic, or the genie may escape the bottle!)

Phil Mickelson Insider Trading Ad?

Phil Mickelson has an ad where he says that if you suffer from joint pain and stiffness from Psoriatic Arthritis, he’s been in your shoes; and that’s why you should use Enbrel. But now he’s being investigated for insider trading. So maybe now he could make an ad for some law firm saying that if you’re being investigated for insider trading, he’s been in your shoes; and that’s why you should use the law firm he uses to help you beat the rap.

Here’s Phil Mickelson’s Enbrel ad:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7TGx/enbrel-confession-featuring-phil-mickelson

Here’s the insider scoop on the story:

http://www.cbssports.com/golf/eye-on-golf/24577490/report-phil-mickelson-involved-in-insider-trading-investigation

(BTW: This is just a joke based on his previous ad for Enbrel, and hopefully he is not involved in insider trading. I doubt he is, because why risk it when he is already so successful? {Although that doesn’t seem to stop rich traders from doing it, does it?})

Chex “Chexting” (Joke) Ad

Apparently “Chexting” (texting by married people with partners other than their spouses that sees two people become very close, bordering on cheating) is destroying marriages. Well, since it has “Chex” in its name, it might make for a fun TV commercial for Chex cereal.

So here’s how this commercial would work:

Two attractive thirty-something people, a man and a woman, love Chex cereal, but their spouses don’t understand their love of Chex, so they secretly begin a texting affair (known as “Chexting”) where they profess their love for Chex cereal, and all the passionate feelings eating Chex stirs in them. (We see both of these people sitting at the breakfast table at home with their oblivious spouses, and they’re Chexting each other all these wonderful, loving feelings they have for Chex cereal.) Oh, but they’re so constantly on their phones texting that both of their spouses realize something is up, and so, in a split-screen moment, both spouses grab their partner’s smartphones at exactly the same moment, see the incriminating Chexts, and realize there’s something going on. And so both Chex fans get divorced (their partners weren’t the right ones for them anyway, since they do not appreciate the glorious pleasures of Chex cereal), and they decide to marry each other; and at the wedding, everyone throws Chex* at them in lieu of rice. (And they live happily ever after.)

(BTW: This is a joke ad because they’d never make such an ad, but I think it would be pretty funny and work pretty well if they did.)

* Rice Chex.

The Paramour Parachute

Yes, it’s the Paramour Parachute: savior of city-dwelling cheating spouses!

How many times has this happened to you? You’re with your married lover at her high-rise apartment, 30 stories up in the air, when her husband comes home unexpectedly…! This is New York City, where apartments are small and efficient, and there’s nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and her husband is big and strong and tough and jealous. Well, Ashley Madison may have helped you get yourself into this situation, but they can’t help you out now! There’s nothing you can do…!

But now there’s the Paramour Parachute: the urban escape system for cheating spouses!

Yes, running for the elevator naked with a bloody nose is a thing of the past when you buy the Paramour Parachute! At the first sign of trouble, simply slip on the one-piece bodysuit and leap out the window: the Paramour Parachute will do the rest, deploying a parachute and gliding you safely to the ground. (Warning: you must be at least 20 stories up to use, and avoiding traffic on the ground is your problem.)

That’s the Paramour Parachute: ask for it by name wherever cheating supplies are sold!

Proposed Cable News Logo

Most cable news is essentially partisan claptrap, so why don't they have appropriate corporate logos to communicate this? A good one might be a spinning wheel, like the one Sleeping Beauty pricks her finger on, because it intends to cast a spell on us (one where we are brainwashed politically), and the slogan could be: "Spinning News into Propaganda Gold!" It would be appropriate for every single one of our domestic cable news outlets.

Shaves as Close as a Blade or Your Money Back

The Remington Microscreen electric razor company used to end their ads with the guarantee: "Shaves as close as a blade or your money back!" But when discussing this with a friend of mine who said he tried to return the razor only to be stymied by the unexpected fine print hoop of a 30-day timeframe for returns, it dawned on me that the guarantee doesn't actually specify what kind of blade their electric razor is guaranteed to shave as close as. If they wanted to be jerks about it, they could claim they meant it would shave as close as a butter knife blade, and then deny all returns on that hair-splitting condition. (Guaranteed to split hairs as close as a contract lawyer or your money back!)

Actually, I have no reason to besmirch the reputation of the Remington Microscreen, because while it failed to shave as close as the blades I shaved with at the time I got mine (I used a Wilkinson Sword single-blade cartridge that is still the best shave I've ever had back then; it was discontinued due to all the triple- and quadruple-bladed disposable razors flooding the market about 15 or so years ago, with their accompanying media blitz across all advertising platforms saturating everyone's short-term memory, and people stopped buying the traditional razors just enough to end the product's run.), it shaved suitably close enough to be acceptable, and it was a lot easier than having to lather up and such, especially when it's only a day or so's whisker growth, which can cause rashes and razor burn when shaving with a blade if you try to rush it. But it did occur to me that the Remington guarantee did not specify what kind of a blade the Remington promised to shave as close as, and as such, they could likely legally get away with refusing all returns if they wanted to.

And this return time limit is a real problem with some things. Apparently it takes a couple of weeks for your face to get used to using a new electric razor before it really begins to work well, and as such, a 30-day time limit for returns would not even permit anyone to find out if the razor works well for them or not before it's too late to return it, and for me, that's a far bigger issue with the guarantee than the vague, lawyerly language used in the ads.

Here's a Remington Microscreen ad from the 1980s with the guarantee right up front:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2mlehyulEc

(I wonder if some hair-splitting lawyer could return the razor and then sue them for false advertising using the reasoning that while they refunded him the full amount, they did not return "his money", as in the same bills and coins he purchased the razor with. That would be a just retribution if they ever used the unspecified blade type to deny someone's refund.)

Return policies generally make consumers jump through numerous hoops the get a refund (if a refund is even possible at all, as opposed to store credit, or a new version of the same article purchased, and that's essentially to make it too difficult for most people to be able to return anything. So someone playing that same trick back on a store that's particularly asinine in this department would be a fun kind of turnabout to see happen. (I think the ease of the return policy is why Macy's has built such strong customer loyalty lately. Macy's is one of the only retail outlets to be doing well nowadays, and there must be a reason for it.)

More Pirate & Villain Shows?

Black Sails is doing pretty well, I think, so it's only a matter of time before we've got more pirate shows than you can shake a peg legged parrot at. I mean, there's already another pirate show called Crossbones, so there are bound to be more, right? And with the bad guys all the rage nowadays, surely these shows will branch out into other areas of piracy and villainy, right?

So what's next? Here are some possible predictions for upcoming cable TV dramas of the type where villains are portrayed as heroes:

Jolly Roger (The pirate flag is known as the "Jolly Roger", so it's perfect for a show about pirates. In fact, Black Sails should have been called Black Flags or Jolly Roger, but whatever. So anyway, Jolly Roger would be a pirate series with a pirate captain named Roger who is always jolly in his viciousness, and so they call him "Jolly Roger"; so it would be about the pirate flag and Roger's exploitative exploits.)

Buccaneers (Another name for pirates, but sounds a little bit classier, so even more helpful in making the brutal murderous thieves appear exotic and heroic.)

Privateers (A group of heroic pirates who messed with and screwed up the brutal Spaniards and helped Britannia rule the waves, so here's a gang of pirates that's a bit easier to turn into heroic renegades {unless viewers are Spaniards, I suppose…}. Plus, the term "privateer" makes it seem as though viewers are privileged to peer into a fascinating private world others cannot have access to.)

Highwaymen (Highwaymen were a kind of pirates on the land, acting as a dangerous and deadly combination of armed robbery and unofficial/illegal toll collection. So we'd see the lives and struggles of these desperate people, and what drove them to take up being highwaymen, be it depravation, greed, viciousness, etc. And we could see different clans of highwaymen having different motivations, battling over turf, intermarrying, etc. All the drama, dirt roads through the wilderness, and carriage robberies you can take!)

Banditos (The exoticism of a foreign locale and the obscure heroism of populist characters moving from simple selfish crimes toward aiding an independence movement could make a series about Mexican bandits around the time of Emperor Maximilian I fighting for the common people and engaging in Robin Hood-esque activities appeal to a wide audience. {A bunch of great Spaghetti Westerns dealt with this type of story.})

Moonshine Runners (We all know that NASCAR started with the shine runners trying to outrun the long arm of the law in evading taxes and the silly laws against private liquor distillation, and as such, there would be plenty of car chase and car crash action, as well as fast-paced drama of young men living fast and dying young, along with the women who love them, etc. It could be a big winner with red state audiences especially, and deal in anti-authoritarian, anti-government rebelliousness and lots of freedom- and liberty-themed dialog and plot lines.)

Drug Smugglers (Yes, it's Drug Smugglers: fighting for recreational drug use and helping people party with illegal substances! Who wouldn't watch a series about greedy, violent drug cartel types and their vicious lifestyles of manufacturing and distributing drugs in a climate of continual murder and mayhem? If other similarly themed shows (Weeds, Breaking Bad) are any indication, this show would be a smash hit!)

Slave Traders (This one would be seen as being in especially bad taste, but after all, Pirates killed, raped, looted, etc., so… And in this trend of showing all manner of vicious villains as sexy heroes, how long will it be before they run out of all the alluring villainy and are only left with glamorizing slave traders?)

Derivatives Traders (The guys who crashed the world economy in 2008 were derivatives traders whose behavior was so reckless and criminal, and who extorted so much money in bonuses from bailouts on top of everything they destroyed, they are really modern day pirates, but on an unprecedented scale. And so this series would be all about the pirate mentality these guys possessed, leading them to loot and pillage the wealth of the world and still manage to hold the government hostage for further extortion afterwards, and managed to get away clean to pillage another day.)

And, of course, more benign baddies may attract a more mainstream viewership, so also look out for the following possible TV series titles, profiling villainous and loathsome, but not quite so vicious and lethal, scoundrels:

Curs, Cads & Creeps

Bastards & Blackguards

Scamps, Scoundrels, Scofflaws & Scalawags

Rogues, Rakes, Rascals, Rapscallions & Riff Raff

Edward Snowden on Big TV Screens

Edward Snowden has appeared on some rather large television screens lately, first at SXSW, then at some conference in Germany, and lately on some giant TV screens out in public.

Has anyone else noticed how ironic it is to see the guy who busted the giant domestic surveillance system appear on giant TV screens like Big Brother in the Apple Macintosh 1984 ad?

Here's Edward Snowden on the big screen:

http://fortunebrainstormtech.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/140312105503-privacy-snowden-sxsw-620xa.jpg?w=620&h=348

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/07/04/article-2355874-1A86735E000005DC-328_634x437.jpg

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1759526!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/russia-putin.jpg

And here's that old Apple Super Bowl ad for the Mac (1984):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtvjbmoDx-I&feature=kp

(You know, had Big Brother used a projector and a screen rather than a giant CRT television set, that woman throwing the sledgehammer wouldn't have been able to do so much damage. Just some advice for future tyrants.)

The Splice Girls

The Splice Girls are the (fictional) smash all-girl singing group composed of genetically engineered, DNA-spliced monsters from horror movies, like Dren (from Splice), Sil (from Species), Ripley (the genetically modified version from Alien Resurrection), and maybe two others (if they exist). They could sing lots of songs about their feelings of isolation for being the only humanoid monster genetically engineered with spliced DNA, so no-one can relate to them, and they can never find a boyfriend or girlfriend with their interests for destroying humanity and such. Also, they could sing songs about how tempting we are to them, how we are delicious to eat, and how they can walk among us with no-one suspecting they are superhuman monsters thinking about how puny, pathetic and weak we are comparatively.

Their names would be: Scary Splice (Dren), Posh Splice (Sil), and Sporty Splice (Ripley).

The Slice Girls

The Slice Girls are the (imaginary) group of sexy singer mascots for the soft drink Slice. They're kind of like a cross between the Spice Girls and the Fantanas (the Fanta soft drink mascots), but because they're mascots for a drink called Slice, they're also deadly Samurai/ninja warriors who carry around razor-sharp katanas. And, naturally, they use their Samurai swords to slice up anyone who drinks any other brand of soft drink. (And the Diet Slice Girls have magical swords that slice off the pounds from those who drink Diet Slice.)

Geico Star Trek "Star Wrek" Ad (Joke/Proposed)

We're all familiar with Star Trek, and what with Geico running ads showing all the different stuff they insure, why not take it a little bit over the top with a starship insurance ad? We could see Captain Kirk, or someone else at the helm temporarily, get into a fender-bender with a Klingon or Romulan ship they don't see because it has its cloaking device on. So the enemy ship materializes, Captain Kirk claims they are responsible for the accident, and so the enemy ship's commander appears on the screen and sticks his tongue out at Captain Kirk and says: "Nyah!", whereupon the enemy ship turns on its cloaking device, disappears, and warps out of the sector, leaving Captain Kirk to pay for the damage. And so the Geico gecko mascot beams aboard in his own little Star Fleet uniform (but with a green shirt, to match his skin color), and after assessing the damage, he says that you never know what's going to happen when you're driving any kind of vehicle, and even if you're not at fault, you still might end up getting stuck with the bill for the damage to your vehicle, so it's smart to have good insurance just in case. Spock agrees, saying that such a plan is wise indeed.

"A Storm of Swords": Potential Also-Ran Titles

I like the title of George R. R. Martin's novel A Storm of Swords. I was hoping for more book titles like that one from Martin (a weather event and a weapon, in alliteration; for example: A Weather Pattern of Weapons), but no dice. But, all is not lost, for there's plenty of chance someone will try to copy Martin's style to ride his coattails, and they might use such a title.

So here's a list of some possible book titles to rip off "A Storm of Swords":

A Maelstrom of Maces
A Hurricane of Hatchets
A Hailstorm of Halberds
A Shower of Scimitars
A Cyclone of Scythes
A Squall of Spears
A Storm of Stilettos
A Blizzard of Blades
A Whirlwind of Whips
A Landslide of Lances
An Avalanche of Arrows
A Drizzle of Danish Axes
A Flash Flood of Flails
A Rainstorm of Rapiers
A Sandstorm of Sabers
A Wildfire of Weapons
A Tempest of Tenderizers
A Monsoon of Meat Cleavers
A Thunderstorm of Throwing Stars
A Twister of Tabak-Toyoks
An Ice Storm of Icepicks
A Cyclone of Chainsaws
A Typhoon of Tire Irons
A Downpour of Daggers
A Deluge of Dynamite
A Sleet of Slingshots
A Fog of Fists
A Gale of Guns
A Tornado of Torture Devices
An Electrical Storm of Electric Drills

Game of Thrones White Castle Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In the HBO series Game of Thrones, there's a big wall to keep out all the scary mythical "white walker" monsters, and a castle keep where the Night's Watch has their headquarters called Castle Black, and the food there is always lousy. Well, I thought it might be fun to have an ad for White Castle where the guys at Castle Black hear of this mythical palace called the White Castle, where one's greatest wish becomes reality. And so a team of volunteers goes through the wall into the great white north to find the mythical White Castle, and it's a place of wonder where the food is all wonderfully delicious and rapidly prepared, not to mention inexpensive. And so the party of volunteers brings back all the White Castle hamburgers they can carry, and all the members of the Night's Watch chow down and love every bite. But then they look into this whole guarding the wall thing more carefully, and they find a conspiracy behind their existence: the Burger King wanted to prevent the subjects of the Seven Kingdoms from finding out about White Castle (because then everyone would get their burgers from there instead of from Burger King), so he had the wall constructed to keep the tempting yumminess of White Castle from permeating and proliferating across the land.

But now it's too late: The Night's Watch have tasted a better life, and so they demolish the wall and fight a great war against the Burger King's minions to free the land from his brutal grip; and henceforth the denizens of the White Castle spread their hospitality for all to enjoy!

Desenex Slogan

The last time I saw an ad for Desenex, I remember their slogan was: "Victory over de feet."

That never really sat right with me. After all, we're not trying to conquer our feet, and it's not our feet's fault if we get athlete's foot. So I think it would have been better to act as though the feet are not the enemy, but rather, they are the victims of the athlete's foot, and Desenex is there to help rescue the feet from the discomfort of athlete's foot.

And so I think a better slogan would have been: "Desenex: Cures the agony of de feet."

Of course, this whole "de feet" thing is kind of silly, but I suppose it's memorable. But as memorability is the goal to begin with in using the "de feet" thing, why not use the phrase that we're all so familiar with: "The agony of defeat"? Then we'd really remember it!

(BTW: Why is it "athlete's foot" anyway? Who gets it on only one foot {unless they only have one foot} anyway? It ought to be called "athlete's feet". Then it would even rhyme.)

Game of Thrones Eyebrow Dye

The big three female characters in Game of Thrones so far have very distinctive hair color, all markedly different from one another. Oh, but they all have the same dark eyebrow color! How could this be? Well, I have it on good authority that it's because they all use the same miracle beauty product: Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye!

Yes, it's Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye, for the most darkly alluring eyebrows imaginable! Cast a spell with the dark arts of Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye!

Daenerys Targaryen uses it! She says: "Have you been blessed with bewitchingly beautiful white blonde hair, but cursed with blasé blonde eyebrows? Then get the fierce facial accents you need to raise dragons and seduce an army of followers with the black magic of black eyebrows with Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye!"

Here's Daenerys's daring look:

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30700000/Daenerys-Targaryen-Season-2-daenerys-targaryen-30767837-1024-576.png

Cirsei Lannister uses it! She says: "Everyone is naturally afraid of the dark. That's why I only trust my darkly delicious, demandingly demented eyebrows to Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye: it really scares up the dark powers to frighten your subjects into submission!"

Here's Cersei's vicious visage:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixY-XkY_IMXUkMfjavVlxMEryz9tkmQdbzd-Q4qUGfRxC1rrWsW0EfgliQOU1zepqBH6re2GJoTECL1-8I8N7W2Dfyp3AY3KxTEDyNEfPqXGrMv7rTF5-YhmdgTY0U88sdHSvLb6XKcRdZ/s1600/cersei-lannister.jpg

Sansa Stark uses it too! She says: "My red hair says: 'Stark and stormy', but my dark eyebrows say: 'My wish is your command'. They really bring the dark exoticism I need for turning yearning heads and making them all tremble!"

Here's Sansa Stark's striking style:

http://static.tumblr.com/bgjgmu3/ksfm1tz45/sansa-stark-game-of-thrones-21795346-1024-576.png

That's Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye: For dark mysterious beauty, you've GoT to get Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye!

Martin's GoT Eyebrow Dye: Browbeat them into submission!

(Some pictures I have seen show Sansa's eyebrows looking red like her hair, but they always look dark to me in Game of Thrones.)

Game of Thrones Sword Name

All great swords have a name, according to Game of Thrones characters.

If I had a sword like that, I think I'd name it: "Stabitha".

(The name "Stabitha" sounds like the woman's name "Tabitha", but it also combines the words "stab" and "it" into the imperative "Stab it" and adds "ha" as a taunting laugh at the end.)

Ruling With an Ironic Fist

We hear of brutal heads of state who "rule with an iron fist", but are there brutal rulers who try to make it more fun for their repressed subjects? Someone like that could be said to "rule with an ironic fist". They could wear those big plastic Incredible Hulk fists that have sound effects built into them, and they could execute people in silly ways like a literal death by chocolate. Or every edict could be in the form of some sarcastic joke. Or maybe their hand could have the word "love" tattooed on it, one letter per finger, so that if they clenched their fist, it would clearly say "LOVE" on it while it looked threatening.

I'll bet if a stand-up comedian got to rule some brutal dictatorship, they'd rule with an ironic fist.

HIPAA Mascot?

Hey, how about having a mascot for HIPAA so people can understand it better? We hear HIPAA referenced all the time on the news, but it's pretty complicated, and I'd venture to guess our eyes would glaze over pretty fast if someone tried to explain it all to us, so how about a mascot character to help us?

So the mascot would be the HIPAA Hippo, and animated cartoon hippo mascot who would tell us the different aspects of HIPAA through little vignettes, like HIPAA Hippo's friend is injured in a car crash, but due to HIPAA she cannot find out where her friend is, or even if her friend is alive, and so HIPAA Hippo would try to hack into the hospital records to find out what happened to her friend, but she'd get caught and go to jail.

(The previous paragraph is for the privacy of medical records part of HIPAA. And then there would be more of these types of little stories to illustrate what else HIPAA does, like HIPAA Hippo getting a job at a hospital and being buried in all the excess paperwork required under the law, etc. And it would be a series of episodic public service announcements, kind of like Schoolhouse Rock was, but because HIPAA is a healthcare-related law, the HIPAA Hippo PSAs would run during medical dramas like Grey's Anatomy, reruns of House and ER, etc.)

Of course another possibility would be the HIPAA Hippy, and as someone who has a natural distrust of the government, the HIPAA Hippy would be surprised to find out all the ways the government is actually helping to protect everyone with HIPAA. (But the HIPAA Hippy would be less believable as a mascot, as a hippy wouldn't be likely to work for "the man", man.)

Breyer's Gelato Adults Ad

This fun ad for Breyer's Gelato shows couple of parents, having put their son to bed, breaking open a package of Breyer's Gelato and digging in, treating themselves. But unfortunately for them, all their loud moans of pleasure wake their son up (due to indulging in an ice cream treat for a change), and presently he appears in the kitchen to bust them for eating sweets and not offering him some. Well, his parents think fast and claim he wouldn't want it, because it's gelato, and it's nothing like ice cream. But he smell a rat, in addition to clearly recognizing their frozen treat as being ice cream, and so he presses them further, at which point they claim he wouldn't like it. But he persists in his insistence that he would enjoy it also, at which point they claim it's for adults, not for kids.

Well, I think the end of this ad could have been a bit better, and more appropriate for our times, because I think the kid should have accused his parents of "cultural appropriation" for eating gelato when they are clearly not Italian, and while they're off making their apologies to the news and social media for their political incorrectness (and undergoing forced sensitivity training), the kid could eat all the gelato. (Now wouldn't that be perfect for the current zeitgeist of everyone having to apologize all the time for incorrect behavior?)

Here's the culturally appropriated frozen dessert treat advert:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp89tMftycs

PayDay "Expose Yourself to PayDay" Ad

Hey, here we have a gloriously clueless advertising concept: let's use sex offender metaphors to advertise candy! What could possibly go wrong?

Unless the slogan: "Expose yourself to PayDay" might attract flashers to candy stores full of children. You don't suppose that could happen…

But yes, the best way to make people want to eat candy bars is to equate peanuts to another kind of "nuts", don't you think?

I wonder what's next; maybe: "PayDay violates your mouth with flavor?" That will keep the sex offender idea going once this ad proves it's an intelligent direction to go with advertising candy these days.

(I wonder if the ad agency is thinking now that candy is considered evil, due to the obesity epidemic, it will soon be equated with child abuse, and so they're trying to lure adults instead, but the only thing they can think of is some questionable sexual metaphor? It's the only reason I can think of for this ad. Unless they're trying to remind us that sex offenders often use candy to lure children, and they reportedly sometimes begin with lesser crimes like flashing. Do you suppose that's what they're going for here? Or maybe they've concluded that pretty soon sex offenders will be the only ones left buying candy, so they're trying to cater to that market with their ads. Do you suppose that could be it?)

Here's the nut-revealing spot:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7pKh/payday-expose-yourself

(And yes, I know I am going out of my way to over-literalize this ad's imagery and slogan, but I just think going the risqué route that references sex offender behavior is a bit over the line for advertising candy, especially when candy is something normally associated with children. See what I mean? I'm sure the ad guys who made this ad weren't thinking of the issues I'm raising here, but given the tone of this ad, they really should have.)

New Sci-Fi Combat Matchup Movies?

Remember Alien vs. Predator? That was kind of fun, having well-known alien characters fight each other, but what’s next? I think I’d like to see Alien vs. E.T. (A.V.E.T.), and Predator vs. E.T. (P.E.T.). And how about Star Trek vs. Star Wars? Or maybe even the Close Encounters of the Third Kind aliens vs. the War of the Worlds Martians.

Who wouldn’t want to see those movies? (Okay, well then how about as a video game where you can make every Sci-Fi movie alien fight any other you choose, like Invasion of the Saucer Men vs. I Married a Monster from Outer Space, or Ro-Man (from Robot Monster) vs. Zontar, Thing from Venus, or maybe Ghidrah?)

Or, how about the best of them all: E.T. vs. Mac (from Mac and Me) to the death?

And then maybe all the annoying little robots from stuff like Twiki from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century and C3PO from Star Wars, and Box the freezing robot from Logan’s Run, and all the Star Wars rip-off droids could fight next!

(People would probably love a video game like this. Maybe there already is one?)

Enemies of Music

There’s a music program where my parents live called “The Friends of Music”, and generally every Sunday evening they have some classical musicians come from New York City, or maybe some touring musicians, come and play classical music live in a church. It’s a very nice, classy, and intimate concert series, mostly attended by people middle-aged and up.

Well, I thought it might be fun to have a group to counter this program called “The Enemies of Music”, and they could storm in and disrupt the concert, saying stuff like: “Turn down that infernal racket!” and: “How can you listen to that noise?” It could be mostly teenagers and young adults doing this to get revenge against their parents and other adults for always complaining about the music they listened to when they were growing up.