They haven’t released the plot to the upcoming Batman vs. Superman movie yet, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what it might be. You see, there aren’t really that many reasons why Superman might want to fight Batman, I wouldn’t think, unless as a working stiff Clark Kent hates Bruce Wayne for being part of the 1%, or if they both want to be the only superhero who gets any credit, or something trivial like that. But there is one thing that might be plausible these days for why they might have to fight.
Yes, when you think about it, Superman is just a bully. He uses his own outdated morals to judge others weaker than he is, and then he beats them up. Why, it’s nothing short of judgmental bullying! And so, chasing some weak villains into Gotham City, Superman beats them up, and it gets caught on camera, where it’s called assault and bullying, and the police are called in to stop and arrest Superman. But because they’re just police, they ask Batman to deal with it. And then some super-smart mega-villain from Metropolis threatens to reveal Batman’s secret identity if he won’t defeat Superman; plus all the villains donate lots of money to help the local Gotham City government win re-election, so they all nag him too. And so then Batman has to deal with it. And having superpowers, Superman defeats Batman easily, but this only makes him look like even more of a bully, so Gotham City sends off to the CIA for some Kryptonite (You know they have some there!), and they use it to defeat Superman, after which he is re-educated never to hit anyone weaker than he is, and not to judge people. And so Superman just retires, and Batman goes after the villains using law and order, which doesn’t work since the villains own the government with all their political contributions, and so Superman just sits back and laughs while Batman runs himself ragged fighting a losing battle. The End.
I think this plot would work pretty well for the zeitgeist, don’t you? Plus, the next movie could have Batman come beg forgiveness from Superman, and then have Superman disguise himself as Robin, and then kick every villain’s ass big time with no one being any the wiser. And then they dress up some bad guy as Superman, and then they both beat him to death, which is cheered by all. And so Superman becomes Robin, and all is well with the world, until SuperRobin beats up some weak burglar or something.
Of course, it’s also possible that since Metropolis and Gotham City are both really other names for New York City, Batman and Superman could fight over which fictional name for New York City all comic books must use from now on, so maybe that’s the story: who knows?
