There’s a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming out soon, but it’s all a lie, man! Those turtles are as old as I am! Oh, what, being a mutant makes you able to be a teenager forever? (And after everyone says that age is “just a number”!)
No, to be believable (the mutant ninja turtles part is believable enough, what with all the pollutants in the environment…), they’ve got to tell the truth about their age. And they’re not teenagers anymore: they’re middle age!
So how about Midlife Crisis Mutant Ninja Turtles? All their original fans are about that age, so we’d all totally relate to their plight! And, we’d get to see super fun stuff like them getting tattoos and hair transplants, starting testosterone therapy, and getting Ferrari and Porsche shells to look super hot!
You know you want it! Demand: Midlife Crisis Mutant Ninja Turtles!
(If they did this movie, there could be all kinds of tie-in advertising, like telling us to get the testosterone supplements the Ninja Turtles use, or the antacids, or Hair Club for Turtles, or whatever else we all use now that we're no longer teenage mutant ninja people.)
(If they did this movie, there could be all kinds of tie-in advertising, like telling us to get the testosterone supplements the Ninja Turtles use, or the antacids, or Hair Club for Turtles, or whatever else we all use now that we're no longer teenage mutant ninja people.)
