Recently, because there’s no decent evening news program
anymore, I found myself channel-surfing, and I landed on Bill O’Reilly
essentially blaming Beyoncé for teen sex because she sings sexy songs and makes
sexy music videos. I’m not sure where I’ve heard this before*, but I think I
know the perfect way for Beyoncé to deflect these accusations: make pro bono
(hee, hee) PSAs where she encourages her fans to use contraceptives responsibly
so that they can empower their lives and be free of the responsibility of
caring for unintended family members (and also so they avoid STDs, another
limiting factor in life).
Her PSAs could show her sexist video-type stuff, and have her say: “Guys, do you want this? Then you have to wear a condom. And ladies, if you want the guys, you have to be prepared with your own birth control, because we all know how guys like to forget about stuff like that.” You know, that kind of thing. Then it would be a lot harder to blame her for anything, except to bitch about being outraged for stuff that was going to happen anyway.
But don’t let this idea of mine stop you from blaming
Beyoncé for teen sex. In fact, if it weren’t for her, surely no one would ever
have sex again! And no one ever would have before, either. (When I was a teenager, there was no music encouraging sexual
promiscuity, except maybe Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, the Bee Gees, Chic, Bob Seeger,
and I guess everyone else who we heard on the radio or otherwise. But don’t let
that deter you from blaming Beyoncé, because, um, we can’t exactly blame those
other guys anymore: after all, they’re all like 60 years-old by now, and no one
wants to sleep with them anymore!)
* No, wait: I remember now! Um, Elvis, the Beatles, and
every rock band and pop group after that, and even before then, too. It was the
same moral outrage from the adults against young people having fun, and it will
never change for as long as humans exist as a species.
