Russia Invades NYC to Protect Russian Tea Room

Seeing that the Russian Tea Room was outnumbered and potentially under threat from other ethnic restaurants in New York City, Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered Russian troops into New York City to safeguard the life and rights of the Russian Tea Room. "We will act to protect Russians wherever they are under threat, even if we have to send Russians in and then threaten them ourselves to justify it," said President Putin Tuesday, adding: "Also, any areas with the words 'Russia' or 'Russian' in their names are subject to military action and are claimed by Russia." Russian Hill in San Francisco is reportedly bracing for invasion.