All of my friends seem to love the reality TV series Face Off. I like the concept, where up-and-coming makeup artists compete, but it's the style of the show I have a problem with. You see, the soundtrack is this generic-y '90s metal stuff (like nu metal and other '90s generic-sounding guitar riffs), but every ten seconds or so, the music changes to another loud generic metal riff, and another, and yet another, and then yet even another (It's like if Godsmack tried to make a John Zorn Naked City album or something and played all the hard rock riffs that embarrassed all the metal musicians in the 1990s one after another for an hour). Anyway, as a metal fan you might expect me to like this kind of thing, but it's so intrusive and generic, it's impossible to enjoy. Then there's the editing: because it's a reality TV game show, every moment is milked more than dry for every possible degree of pathos imaginable, and the whole built-up anticipatory thing is overdone to the extreme. It's so annoying, in fact, that I can't take more than a few minutes of it at a time. And have I mentioned that I'd probably like it were it shot normally and if it had a more flowing soundtrack that's not so mute-button-able; well, and if the makeup people had enough time actually to design and make something good? (I mean, some of it is good for the no time they have, but if anyone saw this stuff in a movie or TV show, they'd laugh; and since this show isn't streamed live or anything, you'd think they could have some more time to make the stuff better, and just edit it together later (preferably without all the forced cliffhanger endings to nowhere and trying-to-be-pregnant-with-meaning closeup reaction shots and most probably scripted personal problems and their accompanying clunky dialogue.)
In any case, I could like this show better than I do, and there just might be some people out there who feel similarly. Well, if you're one of them, this one's for you.
So here we have the upcoming slasher horror film: The Face Off Killer! In this horrifying gory slaughterfest, we're inside the world of the TV show Face Off, and what do you know, but the assignment is for the contestants to imagine the way they'd like to be killed if they were a victim in a slasher film. And naturally, being makeup artists, they all want to be killed in the most gory and horrifying, yet visually dazzling style imaginable. And so they all create their makeup designs using prosthetic effects, body parts, mannequins, etc.; but while they're doing this, someone is going around and killing them all one-by-one in exactly the manner their makeup has depicted, but replacing their work with their own mangled, mutilated corpses. Everybody thinks the makeup artists are playing a joke on them when they realize the horrifying truth (!). Who could be doing this? Could it be jealous, competitive contestants? Frightened judges and makeup professionals who don't want the younger generation taking their jobs? Fed-up viewers? Why, no, it's (spoiler alert!) the show's very own producer, who wants the biggest ratings ever for the show!
Yes, it's The Face Off Killer: coming soon to a theater near you! If you thought Face Off couldn't get any harder to watch than it already is, you were dead wrong!
