So much entertainment journalism these days is of the snarky school of bashing actors for their looks, weight, fashion, etc. We especially see this at the Academy Awards red carpet, where it's big news to pick out the worst dressed and smear them for their dresses and say: "What were they thinking?" and such. This really seems in bad taste to me, and these people seem awfully snide and mean-spirited, although at the same time these reports can be fun in a way. The thing that makes them distasteful is this serious feeling of jealous sniping and schadenfreude emanating from these reports, with every author seeming to want to be their own Kenneth Anger mini-me. (And nobody can really challenge Kenneth Anger for this type of thing. He's like the Beatles, the Jimi Hendrix, of libelous scandalmongering yellow journalism.*)
Oh, but if we had the right character for character-assassinations and such, it might all come across as fun, like when Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog digs at Star Wars nerds and the like. And that's why I think, to make it seem more lighthearted and fun, rather than insulting and petty, we need a new journalist to do these grousing reports. Yes, we need The Oscars Grouch.
The Oscars Grouch would be a grouch like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street, and as a grouch, a breed of character well-known to look at the bad side of everything and appreciate everything trash, this character could point out all the dreck and revel in it, seeming to appreciate, rather than being appalled by, the worst offerings of the Oscars red carpet and awards ceremony. And because he's the Oscars Grouch, he'd have golden fur, and he'd hang out in a movie studio dumpster next to all the other Oscars reporters, saying stuff like: "Hollywood sure makes a lot of trash, and I love it! Its trashiness is why living in Hollywood is so great for a grouch!" And then he'd go on to trash everyone's clothes and all the movies and actors (but doing so in an appreciative manner so every bad thing sounds like a great thing).
Hopefully pretty soon we'll get to have the Oscars Grouch give his analysis at the Oscars.
* Don't believe me? Read Hollywood Babylon: it's mean-spirited, but very entertaining.
