Armed, masked paramilitary men attacked journalists in
Crimea today. Some of the attacks were caught on video and leaked to the press,
and we’ve been seeing them on the news today. This looks really bad,
threatening unarmed journalists just trying to report on the happenings over there,
but the masked military men claimed it was self-defense, saying: “Hey, we all
know the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand
words, so a video stream of 30 pictures-per-second must be mightier than a
machine gun, and we only have machine guns to defend ourselves, so we had to strike first before we
were all overwhelmed and viciously assaulted with a video camera and aggressive
reportage. Plus, we all know the truth sets you free, and we don’t want anyone
to be able to escape, so we had to stop the truth from conspiring to free the
people we’re here to repress.”
Well, sounds reasonable enough to me. I mean, so long as
they’re holding guns to my head.
Here, feast your fists on the strong-arm-y story of the freedom of the repress over there:
