Saturday, September 17, 2016
Fifty Shades of Sequels
There’s a new Fifty Shades of Grey sequel coming out soon called: Fifty Shades Darker. I was hoping they’d call it Fifty-One Shades of Gray, or 50–2 (or Fifty—Two). But I guess Fifty Shades Darker has a kind of ring to it.
I read the plot of this upcoming movie, and it’s not what I was hoping for. But maybe in the next installment of this franchise, or at least in the last one, we can finally see the movie we deserve to see.
In the sequel I’d like to see, Christian Grey finds he cannot live without Anastasia Steele, so he finds her and proposed to her. She accepts on the condition that he not subject her to sadomasochism or bondage practices anymore unless she asks him to, which she never intends to do.
And so Christian and Anastasia get married. And Anastasia never requests the sadomasochism Christian so desperately desires. Instead, she gets pregnant, has a baby girl, and is so devoted to her brand new child that she ignores Christian altogether, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom for her daughter.
Frustrated at not having his sadomasochistic or bondage needs met, and having a new sexy secretary, he begins a torrid SM/bondage affair with the new secretary. Apparently this power trip sexual dominance over an underling at work is the only thing that gives our hero any manner of sexual satisfaction or emotional feelings of affection whatsoever. And so we spend most of the movie watching a rerun of the first movie in an overindulgent and unnecessarily graphic series of sex scenes, with all the rampant nudity and dirty talk we can handle.
So what happens is that Anastasia finds out about the affair due to behavior cues and certain smells and such that remind her of her initial relationship with Christian. And so Anastasia asks Christian for a sadomasochistic sexual experience; but first she asks him to build them a secret fortified, soundproofed room in their home for that purpose where nobody could possibly hear them or walk in on them while they’re getting their perversions on and such. (They have a live-in nanny to help Anastasia with raising their daughter and a permanent housekeeper to keep their enormous mansions and apartments squeaky clean, you see.)
And so Christian has the secret room constructed just as Anastasia had requested, and when it’s completed, they go there for another session of pain and pleasure. This time, however, Anastasia requests to be the dominant partner, and Christian agrees. And so Anastasia ties Christian up with ropes using nautical knots that are unable to be undone and become tighter the more he squirms around. And after tying him up, she reveals that she knows about the affair he’s having with his new secretary, and she whips him hard with an actual bullwhip until he’s covered in wounds. Then she exits and locks the room, camouflages the entrance to the room, and walks away. The End.
(I have never seen Fifty Shades of Grey, so my apologies if I got anything wrong.)
Posted by Greg Medernach at 5:55 AM