They killed the King! So it’s murder: I knew it! Maybe they should call themselves Burger Cromwell from now on! It’s treason, turning on the King like that, and then still calling themselves “Burger King”! Well, okay, I guess we should all say: “The King is dead, long live Burger King!”
It seems that the fun, silly campaign with the Halloween-costume Burger King guy has failed to generate more sales, just like that fun Chihuahua “Yo quiero Taco Bell” campaign failed for Taco Bell. That’s too bad. Apparently, it has been said over and over again that Burger King stressed their food, and McDonald’s stressed the experience, and McDonald’s strategy has been the winning one every time. (If you credit advertising for the success of the fast food restaurant sales, that is; which I don’t.) But if that’s the case, then is Burger King’s return to showing/stressing the quality and tastiness of their food the right strategy to try again, seeing as how it has failed before? (Maybe people don’t want good-tasting food: maybe they want greasy crapburgers, and that’s why McDonald’s is the top of the heap! {<That’s a joke: I like McDonald’s a lot; but I get the Filet o’ Fish!}) The new ads look beautiful, but will it work? I think Ronald McDonald may get the last laugh yet.
So look, Burger King: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? Well, what does McDonald’s have that you don’t have? You have most things: hamburgers, check; chicken sandwiches, check; French fries, check; stupid mascot, check (well, up to now, anyway). So what’s missing? I’ll tell you what: something to keep the kids busy so their parents can get a break! (That’s why the old McDonald’s theme song was: “You deserve a break today,” etc.) And what does McDonald’s have that Burger Kind doesn’t have? That’s right: Playland! But since Burger King is different from McDonald’s, and it doesn’t want to be the same, how about this? McDonald’s gives people something fun to do for the kids, right? And it’s supposed to be a treat for kids, right? Well, then how about Burger King being the place for angry parents to bring their naughty children to punish them?
Okay, I know, but hear me out: some parents have annoying, naughty brats, and they have to get a break once in a while, right? Well, then, how about advertise to these parents to come to Burger Kind to get a break from your kids, and there will be a place for your kid to go, so you get a break from them? And what do kings have that might work for this? Castles? No, but you’re getting warmer! What’s in the bottom of a castle, where they torture naughty people? That’s right: a dungeon! So why not have Burger King advertise for frustrated parents of bad kids to come and dump them in the “King’s Dungeon” for awhile? Then the mom or dad can get some peace and quiet, complain and vent with other parents with similar kids, and dump their kids into a place they’ll remember for later threats about taking them back there if they’re naughty again! Isn’t it perfect?
Hey, their sales aren’t where they’d like them to be, and they don’t know why, right? So why not try something new? Everybody tries to accommodate good kids for fun! So there’s no place that offers a horrible experience for naughty brats while their parents can get their frustrations out! It would be like an A.A. for harried parents, and think of the therapy they could get out of it! And hey: a King would have a dungeon, wouldn’t he? So it’s only natural!
Hey, it could work! And if not, you can always go back to advertising the food, right? So what have you got to lose, Burger King? I want to be tortured in the Burger King dungeon!
Here’s the story on this forced abdication of a fast food empire:
