Dodge is running a commercial now where they show a red Journey SUV driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, into the countryside, going off road, and finally parking in a pretty little grassy area next to a pond somewhere in Napa or Sonoma (I guess), from the looks of it. Then they say they put all this stuff in it, and just “left it there: literally”. So then it becomes clear that this is a contest, or else they don’t like their own car very much, because they say that if you can find it, you can have it. But isn’t that littering? What if it has an oil leak, or leaks other dangerous chemicals into the pristine, virgin soil of California wine country? Then it might contaminate the ground and ruin our wines! And then we couldn’t tease France about how our wines are better than theirs anymore. (In fact, maybe a French company came up with this idea so they could poison our fertile vineyards and blame it on Dodge! Hey, you never know! Maybe it’s time to call French Fries “Freedom Fries” again just in case!)
So it’s nice of Dodge to offer to give away a free car and everything, but the way they’re doing it isn’t very well thought out, I must say. In order to find this car, people will have to drive around all over the place, polluting the pristine wilderness with tons of poisonous emissions that otherwise wouldn’t be there. Then, they’re making people burn gallons upon gallons of gasoline when it’s at one of the highest prices ever, and that will drain precious resources in the middle of a deep and long recession. Plus, if they’re just leaving the car out there, it makes it look like they don’t even like it; and worse, since they’re hiding it in the middle of nowhere, it looks as if they’re embarrassed about it! And on top of it all, they’re encouraging, and yes, even training people to steal cars! What if the people who find the car find that they like just driving away in a car they don’t own so much that they start stealing everyone else’s car all the time? You know it will happen! Oh, and whoever finds the car could be pulled over by the police while driving it home, and since they have no registration and insurance for it, they might be arrested, ruining their lives!
Oh, but maybe this is what they want to have happen! There is a slump in car sales at the moment, and perhaps to get revenge against everyone for not buying enough of their cars, they’ve set this whole thing up! They’ve probably already reported the car stolen so that whoever finds it will be busted for grand theft auto! Then they’ll stop running the ad, and say it never existed!
If this works out the way they want, Dodge should sponsor another contest like this, and I know just how they should do it for maximum effect! They should say that they have parked a secret car somewhere in Los Angeles, but that they won’t say what kind of car or what color it is; but they will say that the right car will be locked, with the keys put right in the glove box! So all you have to do is smash the windows of all the cars you see parked on the street, and check them all to see if you’ve found the winning free car! Then, they ought to put instructions online on their website to teach people how to hotwire and steal cars, just in case they accidentally forgot to put the keys in the right place, or the contestants can’t find them. That way, thanks to Dodge, everyone will be a winner! (Well, except for the people whose windows get smashed and whose cars get stolen. But hey: they’re insured, right? So who cares! {Actually, maybe states that have problems getting drivers to get car insurance should hold a contest like this just to punish people without insurance!})
Here is the ad, at the beginning of an article about the contest:
