There is a fight going on right now in Washington D.C. over a disaster relief bill to fund FEMA, and the issue appears to be that of whether or not there will be strings attached. Apparently, the Republicans want to have strings attached, and the Democrats don’t. But which is the better idea here? Let’s look at the facts!
Okay, so this bill is basically an emergency bill for disaster relief, and as such it will be filled with lots and lots of money. Well, if there are no strings attached, then can’t all of this money just end up going into someone’s pocket where it doesn’t belong? And then we won’t be able to find it. But if there are strings attached to it, then you could just grab onto one of the strings and follow it until you found where the money went, right? And if the money got lost, you could just reel the string in and you’d have all the money back! See how well it would work? So definitely it’s better to have strings attached so you can follow up with it later.
Then there’s the issue that this is a disaster relief bill intended to help people who are in a difficult situation. These people will be unhappy, but with strings attached to the relief bill, we could attach lots of fun ornaments and decorations and stuff to the bill to cheer them up! If we put lots of pretty things on it, and tied smiley faces and puppets to it, it would totally make them smile, I’ll bet. And that will turn their frown upside-down! (Plus, it would create jobs for the people who get to decorate the bill!) You can’t tie pretty ornaments to the bill if there are no strings attached, so it looks like it’s a better idea to have those strings attached for this reason too.
And what else are strings good for? Well, for one thing, kittens and puppies like to play with string, right? So if there are strings attached, then there’s lots and lots of fun for kitties and puppies, and lots of fun for the people who get to watch them play with the string, too! So again we have a situation where it looks like having strings attached is definitely the better idea.
But Democrats don’t want to have strings attached to this bill! Are they trying to make it so they can secretly take the money and nobody will ever find out about it? Don’t they want to be sure it gets to where it’s supposed to go? And wouldn’t they like to make people smile by having pretty decorations on it? Or do they want to prevent job creation for decorators? And I’m sorry to have to mention this, but it’s beginning to look like Democrats hate kittens and puppies! Could it be possible that on top of everything else, they want to make kitties and puppies sad too? Shame on those guys!
Oh, and on top of it all, with strings attached, you could use the strings to hang your laundry out to dry and save all that energy, thus saving the Earth from evil pollution!
Yay, Republicans: they love kittens and puppy dogs, and they’re healing the Earth! See?
