Some of you may have seen that Goldline is now hawking silver. Yes, that’s right: Goldline is trying to get us to buy silver (!). And do you know how they’re trying to do it? They’re revealing in a new commercial that “silver has outperformed gold over the last decade” (!!).
What? After we’ve spent all of our money buying gold, now you tell us that silver is the better investment all along? You bastards! Or is it possible that you’re just starting to run out of gold now, so you’re trying to trick us into buying silver too? Perhaps you should have chained Rumpelstiltskin up in your basement like some other company might be doing (You know who you are!).
But seriously: Buying silver from Goldine? That just sounds wrong altogether! Aren’t they worried that selling silver might tarnish their image? (Get it? Silver? Tarnish? Ha, ha? Oh, never mind.) They really ought to create a new company for selling silver! They could call it “Silverline”, and have it be: 1-800-Silver. Oh, but that’s not enough numbers, is it? So how about: 1-800-Tarnish? Everyone would recognize that as being related to silver, right? No? But at least they could use that pirate idea* I talked about before for their ads, but this time have it be “Long John Silver”! It would be perfect! (And for children's savings accounts of precious metals, they could use "Captain Kidd" for the ads! See? Pirates are perfect for the Goldline ad spokesmen!)
I doubt this ad is online, but it’s not worth bothering over even if it is.
* (BTW: The pirate idea I’m referring to is when I said Goldline should have a pirate spokesman who says: “It’s easy to own gold, me maties! Just find someone who has some, kill them and steal it! It’s just that easy!” So now they could have Long John Silver say the same thing, but about silver this time. See? It’s perfect!)
