28 Days Later… (The Government Shutdown)

The last government shutdown occurred in 1995 and lasted for 28 days. So obviously that’s what happened in the movie 28 Days Later (!). That monkey thing was just a straw man: it was the government shutdown that caused all the infectious zombies! So now it finally makes sense why FEMA has been telling us all to prepare for a zombie apocalypse: there’s about to be one (!!). And that’s why the government is always working on zombies for military applications: so they can release them during government shutdowns to make us all “feel the pain”. Then both parties can just blame each other for the zombie apocalypse, and all the zombies will just believe whatever they say (and then, hopefully, eat them all).