In seeing PBS specials on the history of the English monarchy and historic castles and such, I keep hearing about the position of the "groom of the stool", or the titled aristocratic personage who would stand in the royal restroom and hand them a towel to wipe their bottom with (and who emptied and cleaned the chamber pot inside the royal loo). Since this was the most vulnerable time for the royal person, only the most trusted confidant would do, and as a result, the person selected to be the groom of the stool would be the favorites of the royal court. And since the groom of the stool essentially had the king or queen as a captive audience numerous times per day, they had essentially unfettered access to the favor and power of the throne. (Control of the porcelain throne meant access to control the power of the actual throne.) And apparently the grooms of the stool became the wealthiest, most powerful people in the kingdom, next to the king and queen, and their friends and family prospered through titles, commissions and positions they never could have dreamed of acquiring otherwise. (In fact, I think I remember hearing on one of these shows that one of Princess Diana's ancestors was a woman of great power and wealth who got that way because she was the groom of the stool to Queen Mary, of William and Mary fame.)
And so I was thinking, how about a movie about all the power brokering, intrigue and conspiracies that were hatched within earshot of the groom of the stool, or that they were involved in, and what anonymous influence they may have had in history? And the movie would be called Royal Flush: The Power Behind the Porcelain Throne.
And, naturally, there would be movie merchandising, like Royal Flush Brand King Size Bathroom Tissue: Give yourself the Royal treatment.
