eReaders are wonderful, but there’s the very real world
concern that underage minors could find and download obscene adult material on
them. Oh, for shame! And because most people realize this dangerous threat
eReaders pose to our children’s innocence (clearly they are the #1 threat to
humanity!), finally some company has decided to do the right thing, and sell an
adults-only version of the eReader. And that’s why the responsible people at
Barnes & Noble have brought us their newest member of the revolutionary
eReader market: The Nookie!
The Nookie is the adults-only version of their already
popular Nook, but it will permit adults to finally have a secure source for
their adult material! (And it will only allow you to peruse adult material and
pornography on it too, so it has a special splash-proof screen, just in case
things get too intimate!) Worries that children will accidentally see
inappropriate subject matter is a thing of the past with this technological
marvel, because the ordinary Nook will no longer permit downloads of
mature-themed material, as that is now the exclusive realm of the new Nookie.
Additionally, the Nookie will not function for a child, for
it has a special fingerprint-scanning technology that will only allow it to
turn on for its adult owner, so it can only “turn on” its adult owner back.
Once the screen goes dark, only that fingerprint scan will start it up again,
so there’s no more need to worry if you left that sex book open when you ran
off to answer that phone, or stop that screaming kettle of boiling water, or to
clean up that doggie vomit, or whatever else you might be doing, no matter how
many curious and corruptible children you have in your home!
Yes, it’s nothing but worry-free adult-themed pleasures from
now on when you get Nookie: the mature audience’s all-access pass! (And just wait for the Nookie 2.0, when they begin incorporating vibrate mode and optional sex toys as add-ons!)
(BTW: This is a joke! There is no such product! {But maybe
there should be!})
