Levitra is one of the “big three” boner pills (the others
being Viagra and Cialis), but lately I haven’t noticed their ads so much
anymore. Have they thrown in the towel? Have they been squeezed out of the market?
Or have I been missing their recent ads? (Or worst yet: have they lost their
patent and gone {Gasp!} generic?) Well,
I think it’s possible they’ve been losing their market share to the other
flavors of boner pills lately. (I guess that would make Levitra the strawberry
of the Neapolitan ice cream of boner pills.) And you know what that means: A new
ad campaign could raise them up and put them right back on top again! (Or for
the first time: whatever.)
So, what to do for Levitra to make it fly off the shelves
and down old men’s throats again? Well, how about a new slogan? And I was
thinking, Arnold Schwarzenegger is out of a job now, right? And he is most
recently well-known for a very public sex scandal, right? So why not get him to
shill for Levitra? He could use some of those famous catch-phrases from the Terminator movies! (A couple of which were, if I recall
correctly, as follows: 1.) “I’ll be back”, and 2.) “Hasta la vista, baby”. When you think about it, they both seem to work really well for ads for Levitra,
don’t they?) Here’s what I mean:
The first one: “I’ll be back”, would lend itself to a
situation where a man is trying to have sex with a hot woman, but he is unable
to, um, shall we say: “rise to the occasion”. So he tells his lady friend:
“I’ll be back”, whereupon he gets up, goes to the bathroom, takes a Levitra,
and comes back stiff as a board for the “horizontal bop”. Then the announcer
says: “Problems with erectile dysfunction making your love life retreat? With
Levitra, you’ll be back!” This might be a tad racy for a television commercial,
so I would suggest doing this one as a joke ad on SNL or Robot Chicken, or else doing it for real as an Internet ad
campaign that requires age verification to view it. (Or perhaps it could simply seem to suggest what is going on, without showing anything or being too specific in the language they use; it would be pretty easy, I should think.)
The second one: “Hasta la vista, baby”, is the flagship idea
here. You see, it sounds like: “Hasta Levitra, baby”, doesn’t it? So it would
play out like this: Some lady is endeavoring to “get it on” with some
gentleman, but he “won’t stand for it”, so to speak. So the lady gets
frustrated and says: “Hasta Levitra, baby!” And she kicks him out of bed. So
then the announcer says: “Problems with erectile dysfunction? Hasta Levitra,
baby!” Then they show the guy get his Levitra prescription from his doctor,
they rattle off the list of warnings and disclaimers, and he goes back to the
lady, who is somehow still waiting for him (she must have been catching up on
the soaps), and he shows up, “standing tall”, so to speak, and they consummate
their passion (which hopefully we don’t have to see! They could just show a top
sheet & blanket bouncing around on top of some type of exaggerated activity
underneath.). Then the announcer says: “So if you’re worried about erectile
dysfunction, there’s just one thing to say: Hasta Levitra, baby!”
And the hero in each of these ads could be Arnold
Schwarzenegger! He could be the guy who’s trying to get lucky with some elderly
hottie, but he can’t get an erection. So he says his famous Terminator
catch-phrases, gets some Levitra, gets aroused, gets a boner, and gets laid.
And after his cheating double-life was exposed, women might enjoy seeing him
get humiliated by impotence, while men might vicariously enjoy watching him
engaged in his stealthy secret torrid affair activities.
