Wow! What an amazing show I just watched (some of)! I had
just finished watching an embarrassingly lame re-working of The Hound of the
Baskervilles* on the new, modern-day Sherlock (a critical darling I have no use for whatsoever,
but I digress…), and in looking on my cable guide for something else, I found I
was listening to someone debating the Chase bank loss in derivatives trading,
and wanting to be sure I was correct (enough) in my facts in an earlier post, I
listened momentarily, and then I actually did the unthinkable: I tuned in
(well, momentarily, anyway)! (<Long sentence, huh? I’ll bet I can beat it,
though; but maybe not in this post.)
So anyway, this was Charlie Rose, the interminably boring PBS talk show, that I was
watching, and it was actually kind of fun, for once. I mean, not really in what
they were droning on about, but in what I was reading into it. You see, for one
thing, this show seemed like what a show like Crossfire would be like if NPR hosted it: a host moderating
between two people with opposing viewpoints on a critical issue of the day, and
with everyone being very polite and civil, and speaking in the tones of voice
that make you feel as though you’ve been slipped an Ambien 10 in your cup of chamomile
tea. (Next thing you know, you’ll be sleep-driving with NPR on your car stereo! It’s a conspiracy, I tells ya’!) And there were other fun things aplenty as
well!
Okay, so the first thing that grabbed me was this: the
pro-bank guy was some obvious nerd with a suit and glasses on spouting lots of
intricate investment jargon in a very nasaly voice with an American accent. But
then he was countered by an attractive blonde woman in fashionable clothes, but
with one of those upper-class British accents that made her sound like a news
anchor on CNN International. So naturally I started thinking about who was more
convincing here: The guy seemed to have more insider knowledge of the
investment world, but the woman seemed to have more gravitas, so it was kind of
a tie. I couldn’t help wondering what it would have been like had they been
more the same type. But then again, they probably don’t make them in the same
type with different views, just like they don’t make them in polar opposites
without differing viewpoints, now do they?
Oh, but just as the novelty of this juxtaposition began to
fade away, then they started mixing their metaphors as they spoke about stuff,
and I became fascinated and confused at the same time. First, the guy said
something about short and long leashes, and shorter and longer runways, and I
found myself wondering if there are new leash laws for airplanes, or if there’s
a new breed of dog that can fly. Oh, but then someone said something about
investment strategies being akin to children’s lettered blocks, and then
someone else said it was like Star Trek
finance, and my ears pricked up again! (Can you be more contradictory?) I found
myself wondering if it was the original Star Trek, or Star Trek: The Next Generation? I only wondered because if it was TNG, and the banks lost a lot of money, they could just
use the replicator to make more. And then I realized that’s what The Fed has
been doing, and then I saw Ben Bernanke in a Star Trek uniform, etc., in my mind’s eye, and he was commanding the replicator to print up trillions of dollars, while Jean-Luc Picard waited impatiently behind him for his “Earl Grey: hot!”
Anyway, I could go on all night, but you’ve probably stopped
reading already anyway. Suffice it to say: Charlie Rose is a lot more interesting than I had originally
thought! I move to take back my previous woefully ignorant slander! (Dare I say
it? “Sorry, Charlie!”)
Anyway, this is Charlie Rose, for those who are unfamiliar
with him or his show (Sorry, Charlie!):
That’s right, Charlie Rose: A rose by any other name may smell
as sweet, but Star-Kist wants tunas that taste good, not that smell good (or
that have their own boring talk shows on PBS)!
* Lame because this plot device has been done countless
times before on American TV and in American movies for literally decades at this point! But they’re Brits, so maybe they’ve
never seen it before and thought it was new. (I’m sure it happens every now and
then.)
