Silly Possible Movie Advertising Tie-Ins & Product Placement

I saw some really bad product placement recently, and it was so bad, it was hilarious. (It was from the movie Source Code, and it was for a particular brand of search engine, where someone has a horribly frustrating experience on a smartphone after using it, and then he dies in an explosion. Can it be worse than that?) But still, they paid for it. And this reminded me of all the wonderfully inane and inappropriate product/movie tie-ins. (Like when Farmers said they were the official insurance of X-Men {?}.) So, with this in mind, I thought I would try to think of a few silly instances of possible product tie-ins for movies we mostly all know. So here’s the list of what I came up with off the top of my head (for the most part):

Martin Archery: the official archery bows & arrows of The Hunger Games. (We make the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!) or (A bull’s eye, every time!)

Lunesta: the official sleep-aid of A Nightmare on Elm St. (Fall asleep fast on the wings of Lunesta, and die oh so slowly on the blades of Freddy’s glove!)

Energizer Batteries: the official batteries of The Terminator. (The Terminator will never stop killing everyone and chasing you around trying to murder you with Energizer batteries: They keep going and going and going...)

Jägermeister: the official liqueur of Jackass. (Drinking it will bring out the jackass in you: guaranteed!)

Jell-O: the official dessert treat of The Blob. (Eat it before it eats you!)

Helle Knives: the official knives of I Spit on Your Grave. (Hand-built for all the outdoorsman abuse you can dish out!)

Trojan Condoms: the official condoms of Troy. (Even the Greeks enjoy using Trojans for sex!)

Schick: the official razor of V for Vendetta. (Keeps prisoner’s heads shaved like no other blade!)

Memorex: the official audio tape of The Evil Dead. (For sound so lifelike, you’ll ask: “Is it live, is it undead, or is it Memorex?”)

Osteo Bi-Flex: the official Glucosamine/Chondroitin of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. (Not as spry as you once were back-in-the-day? Take Osteo Bi-Flex and once again you can save the day!)

Elmer’s Glue: the official glue of War Horse. (Elmer’s Glue sponsors a story that will “stick” in your memory forever!)

Gorton’s Fish Sticks: the official fish sticks of Finding Nemo. (You’ll find Nemo and all his friends in every box of Gorton’s fish sticks!)

Henckels Kitchen Cutlery: the official knife of Halloween. (Teen after teen, blades stay wicked sharp!)

Excedrin Migraine: the official migraine medicine of Darren Aronofsky’s π (Pi). (Drill the pain away with the fast-acting strength of Excedrin Migraine!)

STIHL Chain Saws: The official chain saws of Avatar. (Cut down trees fast despite meddling tree-hugging blue meanies and get to that sweet, sweet unobtanium!)

Shell: the official gasoline of The Road Warrior. (If it’s worth killing over, it’s got to be Shell gasoline!)

Rubik’s Cube: the official puzzle box of Hellraiser. (Here’s a puzzle box that damns you to a hell of torment when you can’t solve it!)

K-Y Jelly: the official “slimer” of Ghostbusters. (Get slimed in just the right way with K-Y Jelly!)

Lucid Absinthe: the official absinthe of From Hell. (It’s killer! It’s a dream! It’s “Lucid”!)

Bellevue Psychiatric Ward: the official psychiatric hospital of Sucker Punch. (For that old-style hospitality, it’s got to be Bellevue, established 1799!)

Sea Breeze: the official face cleanser of Waterworld. (Sea Breeze cleans the sea breeze and oil from your pores for that water-clear complexion, every time!)

Hungry-Man: the official frozen dinner of The Hunger Games. (Eat a Hungry-Man: it will keep you full and energized throughout any game of death so you can kill, kill, kill!)

Miracle-Gro: the official plant food of The Happening. (Nothing makes homicidal plants grow faster than Miracle-Gro! It’s like a miracle to killer plants!)

Dramamine: the official motion-sickness medicine of Battleship. (Whether you’re seasick or discombobulated from alien abductions or the concussive force of incoming extraterrestrial weapons, Dramamine sets you right to fight with all your might again! {It also helps with motion sickness from crappy 3D movies.})

Rogaine: the official hair-restorer of The Wolfman. (Get in touch with your inner hairy beast with hair-restoring Rogaine! It brings out the animal in you!)

Spirit Airlines: the official airline of Snakes on a Plane. (You never know just what you’ll encounter on thrilling Spirit Airlines flights!)

Phillips’ Milk of Magnesia: the official laxative of Trainspotting. (You’ll be spotting your trousers on the train if you’re not careful when you take Phillips’ Milk of Magnesia: it just works that well!)