“Call the Glass Doctor, we’ll fix your pains, (oh yeah)!”
Thus chime the lyrics of the jingle for The Glass Doctor,
some company that fixes windows and such. And why do I remember such a thing,
in a world of generic advertising for such home improvement products and
services and stuff? Well, it’s simple, really: they’ve got this jingle, and
once you hear it, you’ll never forget it! Will it make me call them and hire
them? Well, maybe not; but that’s simply because I don’t have much use for
their services. But if I did, and I didn’t know who to call, that jingle might
just make me think of someone specific. And after all, this is what advertising
is all about!
So when you have pretty underwhelming, amateurish-looking
ads, and even so, I can’t get your company name out of my head, it means you’re
doing something right, despite your best efforts to shoot yourself in the foot!
You know, just like Visiting Angels: their ads are lame, but their jingle is
great and very memorable, so it works anyway. So what does this mean? It means
simply this: If you don’t have much money, and you know your ads are probably
going to look less-than-top-quality, you’ve got to give yourself a trump card
that will let you rise above an ocean of white noise and better production
values and fun concepts. And what might that be? (Have you been reading this?)
It’s a great, memorable jingle!
Now how companies whose ads look like cheaply-made intro
film-school student work can manage to have great jingles is beyond me (maybe
they blew their whole budget on the jingle? If so, it was worth it!), but it
doesn’t really matter, because after all, I cannot remember most fast food ads
from my youth, or even from last year, but I do know that a Big Mac is “two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,
cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame-seed bun”; just like I know Burger King’s
old motto was “hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset
us, all we ask is that you let us have it your way: have it your way, at Burger
King, have it your way, at Burger King!” (I swear to you I did not look any of
this up, for it is forever seared into my memory through these jingles!) And
the point is this: Jingles, when they’re catchy, really stay in people’s
memories, and as they get older, these become serious pieces of nostalgia
people love to remember, even if they hated them back-in-the-day.
And so, young advertising grasshopper, if you have no great
product everyone needs desperately, and if you have no advertising budget, no
brilliant concept, and no celebrity spokespeople, then seek ye the magical
jingle, and “jingle all the way” to a successful business! It rarely fails when
it’s good (unless your product or service or business sucks!). Jingles will
make people remember you: the rest is up to you!
(BTW: I used to be a musician and songwriter, but I do not
write jingles, so I have no horse in this race. But maybe I should have,
because it’s very effective.)
Oh, but now that I have suitably brown-nosed The Glass
Doctor’s wonderful jingle, I must now deconstruct it for its weaknesses, just
to be fair, and just to have some fun. (But this is all just a good-natured
ribbing, so no hard feelings, I hope.)
Okay, so the “glass doctor” will “fix” your “panes”? Well,
that sounds like “Fix your pains”, right? And what fixes pains? Oh, that’s
right: dangerous, addictive narcotics! So is the “glass doctor” some kind of
“Dr. Feelgood”? And when he says he’ll “fix” your pains: what word does a junkie
use to communicate their next high? Why, it’s “fix”, isn’t it? And so are they
then saying that they will get your windows addicted to dangerous narcotics
like Oxycontin? And then your windows will be so strung-out on drugs, they
won’t even be alert enough to keep insects out or communicate with your home
alarm company anymore! And then, when you go out of town, your windows will be
jonesing so badly for drugs that when the “glass doctor” comes by with some
pain pills for them, they will betray you and just get high and let “the doctor” rob you blind! Yeah, he’s the “glass
doctor” alright: because I see right through his evil plans, man!
Okay, that’s just a joke! I can’t help but read all this
stuff into their slogan, because I’m a smartass. But the jingle is great! And
if you have a small budget, but a good business, try to think of how you might
word a convincing jingle to attract customers, and then hire someone to make it
really good: it just might be the best marketing decision you ever make!
Here’s The Glass Doctor’s jingle (in an ad where it’s a long
song with a puppet; and while I do not like this whole ad, the jingle at the
beginning and the end are terrific!):
