The book Fifty Shades of Grey is a real phenomenon, selling lots and lots of copies, and stimulating
readership worldwide. But not everyone has the time to read such a racy novel,
and not everyone is interested in trudging through the descriptions of all the
reprehensible deviant behavior relayed in this tome. That’s why the Short
Attention Span Bookbinders and the “moral majority” have teamed up to create a
new classic for the more appropriately behaved among us: One Shade of
Grey. It is the exciting and heartwarming
(and indeed titillating) story of a young woman who falls in love with a
sophisticated man, and after she marries him, they have sex on their honeymoon
in the church-approved “missionary” position. The end. (It’s both romantic and pithy, not to mention acceptable and appropriate!)
And of course the title of this novel refers to the fact
that this man’s life was “one shade of gray” because his hair was “one shade of
gray”; but after using Just for Men, he finally attracted the attentions of
this one young lady, and believing it was the hair dye, he thought he’d better
grab this chance while he could, and before she found out that he really has
gray hair, because the men in all those Just for Men ads always get rejected
once their dates find out they actually have gray hair! (I hope she won’t
divorce him when she finds out! I guess he needs to have a codicil in the
pre-nup specifically state that she may not divorce him for his gray hair, or
else she gets nothing from his estate.)
Hey, you know what? Maybe Just for Men ought to make a “50 Shades of Gray” Just for Men hair dye product! They could say that the fifty shades of gray tones make for a more convincing “silver fox” look, and they could market it to younger guys who are being rejected by women for not looking sufficiently sophisticated or accomplished. Then they could dye their hair gray for that “successful man-of-the-world” look! (Wouldn’t it be fun to see young men dye their hair gray to look older? Then we could trick them into thinking it’s cool to be old! Then we old guys will have a shot at the ladies again! And next we could create some idiom like, oh, I don't know, maybe: “Life begins at 40!” But that’s too young, isn’t it? Okay then, how about 60? Or maybe 70? If we go too old, they might not believe us! But who cares? Let’s just see how far we can string them along until they finally wake up and see they’ve been had! That’s what I always say!)
