I wrote recently about how one of my local PBS stations is
running the great classic BBC mini-series I, Claudius lately. Well, you probably knew it would only be so
long before I came up with some joke ad scenario for I, Claudius, so here’s one, if you were hoping: a tie-in ad for
Little Caesars and I, Claudius.
So here’s how this would work, if I, Claudius were now a new network TV series, or a new movie:
Seeing as how there are so many poisoning deaths in I, Claudius, I was thinking that Little Caesars could offer the
Little Caesars’ I, Claudius meal:
two poisoned pizzas, delivered by a guy dressed up as a Roman centurion, who
then stabs to death anyone who doesn’t die from the poisoning. And then, at the
end of the ad, the Little Caesars mascot Caesar guy could take a bite of the
pizza, say: “Poison, poison!” and die.
I’d think it would be a perfect advertising tie-in for
Little Caesars, what with Caesars (and little prospective future Caesars) dying
left and right in I, Claudius, and this
TV mini-series being all about the death struggle for the reigns of power in
ancient Rome. (You see, Augustus’s wife Livia is killing everyone who is in the
way of her son Tiberius’s line of succession to the throne, and after that,
everyone else is keeping Livia’s illustrious murderous tradition,
um, “alive”, I guess.) And maybe Little Caesars could even have extra
menu items, like Livia’s “Last Meal”, Augustus’s Poison-Painted Figs, etc. And,
naturally, it would come with free sharp (plastic) daggers to stab each other
with. Think of all the minutes of deadly fun you and your family could have!
And after all, if it’s going to be your last meal, shouldn’t you be able to
drag everyone else down with you? (You know Tiberius would do it!) And the
tie-in tagline could say: “Pizza so good, it’s to die for!”
So what do you think, Little Caesars? It’s not too late to
do ads for the local PBS run! There are at least two weeks left in Los Angeles
for this current run of I, Claudius!
(Now, this is, of course, a joke! No company would do a
tie-in like this, suggesting their food is poisoned! And this is all meant in
fun.)
