Humanity needs this technology to move into the future, but Hertz is hogging it all for themselves, and they're not even using it for any groundbreaking futuristic purpose, like starting an instant transportation service to cut down on travel times! How can they keep this miracle of modern science from us? Or could it be that the movie The Fly was actually a documentary of what really happened when Hertz first developed this technology, and they're merely trying to spare us all such a grisly, horrific fate? If so, then they're heroes; but then why make our mouths water over this science fiction technology? Are they trying to get more volunteer human guinea pigs to continue their research? That must be it, those mad scientists! And renting cars is only how they fund their horribly unethical research! I knew it!
Well, shame on those guys for turning Jeff Goldblum into a fly! (And shame on Jeff Goldblum for trying to hog all the credit for this technology when Hertz actually developed it! Serves him right to have been turned into a fly! And Hertz must have done it on purpose to get revenge for Jeff stealing credit for this transportation technology! {Oh, the humanity.}) (<Actually, this is just a joke. Hertz did not turn Jeff Goldblum into a fly. Hertz only turned that guy in the 1950s Vincent Price version of The Fly into a fly. And I don't know for sure, but I heard they did it because he worked for Avis.)
Or did Hertz perhaps steal this transporter technology from Enterprise Rent-A-Car? (They have a Star Trek-sounding name, so maybe they have the transporter technology? I wrote a prospective ad campaign for Enterprise Rent-A-Car recently using a Star Trek tie-in, since it's called "Enterprise".*) Talk about corporate espionage!
But you know what's most terrifying about this ad's scenario? It doesn't even look like these rental car drivers are being transported by choice, does it? Doesn't it look rather like they are being abducted by aliens? So this makes it look like Hertz is conspiring with aliens to abduct humans from cars, doesn't it? And upon further reflection, this commercial doesn't specify that these drivers are Hertz customers, right? So maybe what they're showing us, but making us read-between-the-lines so they can deny it if they get caught, is that they are teaming up with aliens to abduct people who rent cars from other car rental companies! (Horror movie music stab, please!) So if you don't want to get abducted, get dissected, and get the anal probe, you'd better rent your cars from Hertz! Otherwise... (BTW: Is that by any chance Xenu abducting these drivers? I only ask because it looks like a jet plane is abducting them, and Xenu's spaceships I hear-tell look like jet planes.)
Here's this transportational ad:
* And here is a link to my Star Trek Enterprise Rent-A-Car ad idea:
