Hey, great: Centrum has specialty vitamins! Well, it’s about time, since I’m tired of taking the regular Centrums and not being sure that they’re formulated personally enough for me. Because you know what happens when they’re not, right? I took Centrum Silver by accident, and now my hair is turning silver! Aaaa! Or maybe it’s just old age. But I reject that, and I blame Centrum Silver! (Maybe if I sue them, I could get them to buy me my mid-life-crisis-mobile! Yay!)
So now Centrum has specialty (“Specialist”) vitamins, and it’s about time! There’s an ad that shows there’s some that are specifically formulated for your heart, some that are formulated for pregnant women, etc. But what happens if the pregnant woman accidentally takes the heart kind? Will she give birth to a giant heart? And then, since it’s just a heart, without blood flowing into it, will it become a vampire heart that attacks and sucks the blood out of everyone else? It could happen! All it would have to do would be to pump, and then it could hop around like a kangaroo, attacking people! We’d all be defenseless like Sylvester the Cat was against that baby kangaroo (and that one was just a baby)! And it would be all Centrum’s fault!
Ah, I see it now: Centrum is helping vampires take over the world with their new “vitamins”, and we’ll never suspect until it’s too late! And I’ll bet they financed those Twilight movies too, just so if anyone figured it out, then they’d probably think it would be a good thing, since vampires are all the rage now! Well, I’m onto those vitamaniacs! They’ll never get away with it! I’m calling the werewolves: surely Jacob will help me foil their dastardly plot!
