I just got a new cable TV system! Yay! This is only the fifth one I’ve had to learn in the past few years. I had my old one, then there’s my sister’s old one, and her new one, then there’s my parents’, and now there’s this one. Actually, sorry: there’s also the old one at my parents’ house. It’s always awesome, because since everybody has copyrighted their system, no other one is allowed to have the same configuration. And that means that you’re always pressing the wrong buttons automatically for awhile, which rules. Some people don’t like doing this, but they’re losers: screwing up on a new TV remote and ordering all kinds of expensive movies by accident is one of the last pleasures left in this life. And the way the government’s going, pretty soon, that will be illegal too, like bread and soda and candy. Oh, and drugs. Unless they’re pharma drugs, which are fine, so long as they’re expensive, and from corporations that donate to both political parties. (This is what Coke and Pepsi need to start doing! Oh, and coke and heroin, too.)
The only problem I have with this whole thing of every company having a completely different remote control configuration is this: why stop there? How come car companies don’t sue each other over using the same pedals & steering wheel & dash board configuration? Someone thought of it first, and only they should be allowed to use it! (This could give American cars an edge in the marketplace!) So every time you bought a new car, then you could take pleasure in enjoying learning a new system, like a gas pedal on your left hand, and leaning side-to-side in your seat for steering, etc. And every car would be totally different! Think of the hours of fun it would be! Plus, drunk driving and cell phone use would no longer seem so dangerous anymore; not next to all these confusing system configurations!
And since most people spend more time watching TV than driving, then why treat it as less important than driving? If safety is a concern in driving, where people aren’t even allowed to drink, then why not TV, where people drink and watch TV all the time? Isn’t it asking for people to throw TV remotes through TV sets, and out through windows and into moving cars? In fact, these confusing TV remotes may end up being more dangerous for drivers than we originally thought…
