This killer, “Son of Sam I Am”, is the son of the Dr. Suess character Sam I Am, the hero harasser of the bestselling children’s book: Green Eggs and Ham. Sam I Am so relentlessly and ruthlessly nagged, harassed, harangued and bullied his son and everyone else around him to try green eggs and ham, that it drove his son insane; and now, whenever anyone mentions eggs, ham, or the color green, he goes into a homicidal blackout mode where he massacres people and doesn’t remember what happened later on. He simply wakes up in a pool of blood, with bodies piled up all around him. So what else could he do with them except of course to make green sausage and bacon out of them? Well, they go better with eggs than ham anyway, so I suppose it could be worse.
But think of what a bad example Sam I Am left for his son! Green eggs and ham are bound to be all chock full of salmonella and trichinosis; and that’s every bit as deadly as a knife murder! So he’s basically showing his son day-after-day how it’s okay to nag and harass people to their breaking point, so that eventually they will be willing to do anything just to get rid of you and make you leave them alone, and then to kill them with poison! And with this approach, the victims don’t even bother to ask how the eggs and ham got green to begin with! How devilishly evil!
Well, it turns out that they (the eggs and ham) weren’t actually green to begin with, but that the people were so obstinate about not encouraging Sam I Am after what a pestering jerk he always is, that they refused to try anything he offered them. But for the record, those eggs were normal yellow, and that ham was normal pink, but these subjects/victims of his unwanted attention resisted for so long, that the eggs and ham went bad, and hence became the green eggs and ham of the book we all know and love. But it seems that it happened that Dr. Suess found out about this whole situation near the end of its occurrence, and so he only ever heard about the eggs and ham being green to begin with (but they weren’t!), and he found this tale to be so charmingly didactic that he didn’t bother to find out what ever happened to the people who finally acquiesced to trying the green eggs and ham before he ran off to write the story; but just so you know: they all died!!
So not only did the Son of Sam I Am get driven insane by the endless ruthless nagging and harassment from his father, but he was also haunted by the knowledge that his father caused the deaths of countless people as well through his recklessly depraved indifference, bullying, nagging and manipulation, and he was powerless to stop him!
(Well, this is just a joke, and I love Dr. Suess, so I hope it doesn’t get me sued; but if it does, I can write a children’s book about it: Greggy Gets a Lawsuit in Litigationland, by Dr. Sued. {Actually, the Dr. Sued name always seemed like the book he’d write would be called: Medical Men in Malpracticeland, by Dr. Sued.} And that would make Dr. Suess into Dr. Sues. But that would open up a whole world of new books for young lawyers to be, like: Oh, the Settlements You’ll Get! by Dr. Sues.)
