If you’ve been watching The Colbert Report and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon lately, you know there’s a cold war of ice cream confection contention brewing between these two titans of late night television. I like that they’re friends and stuff, and that they’re playing out their ice cream competition on their shows, but The Colbert Report is only like 22 minutes, and I’d rather watch their own original programming than this ice cream kerfuffle.
But hey: Colbert has a Super PAC, right? He’s got over a million bucks’ worth of ass-kicking saved up! So, how about this: Why doesn’t Stephen Colbert use this money to run attack ads against Jimmy Fallon and his addictive Late Night Smack? After all, we’ve got an obesity epidemic here in America! What right has any famous television personality to hock fattening foods in such a dangerous time for our country if the name doesn’t sound patriotic? Americone Dream gets an exemption: it sounds patriotic! But what about Late Night Snack? That sounds like a dangerous enemy to America, threatening our fitness when we’re too tired to resist: late at night!
What a dirty commie, trying to fatten us all up for the slaughter! Jimmy Fallon deserves an attack ad campaign targeting him with unlimited funds and no accountability! After all, is he taking responsibility for how fat his ice cream made me? No! So start that ad campaign now!
What a dirty commie, trying to fatten us all up for the slaughter! Jimmy Fallon deserves an attack ad campaign targeting him with unlimited funds and no accountability! After all, is he taking responsibility for how fat his ice cream made me? No! So start that ad campaign now!
