I just saw Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf for the first time tonight. I had been avoiding it for years, because I had seen too many crappy Liz & Dick movies, and I thought this must be another one of them. Well, it’s not. It’s really good, especially if you like domestic violence, marital blisslessness, and alcoholism. In fact, there was so much drinking and drunkenness, I think it’s almost indecent that nobody has ever launched a brand of Virginia Woolf brand liquors, in honor of this movie. They could have Virginia Woolf Brandy: It makes you throw up, but then you’ll want to dance all night! And then they could have Virginia Woolf Bourgen (that’s this movie’s inside joke about bourbon): It makes you kill your parents “by accident”, and then you go to the mental hospital for life. Now that’s some good liquor!
Or perhaps this is too insulting to Virginia Woolf? Then how about calling it instead: “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf Liquor?” Then the name would be like a dare to macho-types, and they’d all over-drink and act like the characters in this movie, which would be very appropriate, seeing as how it’s named for the film! And if anyone didn’t want to drink it, everyone could say they were “afraid of Virginia Woolf!” And then they’d have to relent and drink themselves into a stupor or else be thought of as a wimp forever after.
And for a feminist liquor, someone could make: “Yellow Wallpaper Absinthe”. And the ad could be that it’s so strong, when you drink it, you’ll start to believe people are trying to break out of the wallpaper all around you, even if there isn’t any wallpaper where you are! (Now that’s a strong drink!) And as a feminist liquor, it’s perfectly named, because then macho-types could accuse each other of being “yellow” if they don’t want to drink it! And then they’d all drink too much of it and throw up and get hangovers due to peer pressure, and the feminists finally get their revenge against the macho guys who have held them back for so long! I’m surprised nobody has thought of this sooner. (They could also say it will launch you through the glass ceiling when you drink it, to attract female drinkers.)
