I was watching CNN, and they said they were going to take a look at Mitt Romney’s campaign at this critical time, yadda yadda, and I found myself saying out loud at the TV set: “Romney’s campaign is finished; nobody cares anymore. Ever since he opened his big mouth, he lost all the momentum. The magic is gone, if there ever was any. And the same is true for the other Republicans as well!” And then I found myself thinking about the movie The Artist, and how many silent movie actors lost their huge careers once they had to speak. And then it hit me: Mitt Romney should run his presidential campaign as a series of ads based on the movie The Artist! (As in: like a silent movie!)
Seriously: think about it! Mitt Romney seemed like he had a real shot until he started saying all the wrong things in that halting, stuttering, out-of-touch voice and inflection, right? And remember when he stood with a couple of African American girls and he said: “Who, who, who let the dogs out?” This guy is just the perfect example of a Nervous Nellie saying all the wrong stuff at just the wrong moment to screw everything up and look like an idiot, just like in an old screwball comedy! But if they could try to re-brand him in a silent screen idol style, just like that hero guy from The Artist, it would be great! He’s got presidential-looking hair, right? It’s kind of like Ronald Reagan’s hair, isn’t it? So show him in heroic poses and from just the right angles, film it in that great old black & white silver screen look, and make him look good! Then they could use inter-titles for what they want us to know, and they can act like the polished dialogue written by professionals was spoken spontaneously by Mitt Romney! (Hey, it’s the closest thing he’s going to get to seeming like he’s got all the right moves and knows just the right thing to say at just the right moment! And it's a lot harder to put your foot in your mouth in a silent movie, and that's a definite plus!)
And when it comes time for the debates with Barack Obama, they can set Mitt Romney up like they set up Lina Lamont in Singin’ in the Rain: Romney can stand in front of a microphone and move his lips, and some professional debater/political strategist can give the answers from behind the curtain. It would be perfect! And it’s probably the only way Mitt’s going to win any debates, either. Who knows, maybe I’m wrong; but I still think if Mitt Romney wants to get back his mojo, it’s time to go with the newest Hollywood hit fad: the silent cinema retro nostalgia wave! It’s the only wave he could possibly ride to the White House at this point! (Or at least, that’s how it seems to me at the moment.)
