Star Trek
commercial-break-end music plays, and we see Captain Kirk on one of those
cheesy planet surfaces from the TV-series, with the sparkly Styrofoam rocks,
and the Fuller’s Earth on the ground, and he pulls out his communicator, opens
it, and says: “Kirk to Enterprise: One to beam up!” So they beam him up, and we
see him get all gold & sparkly, and he starts de-materializing.
Then we cut to Captain Kirk being beamed up into the
transporter bay, only this one is in an Enterprise Rent-A-Car office, and not
the Starship Enterprise; and everyone is wearing Star Trek uniforms, except that the shirts are green, rather
than the gold, blue, or red. And so Captain Kirk walks up to the desk, and he
says he’s got to go “Warp 6”, and so they give him the keys to a car, which
turns out to be a Corvette, and Mr. Scott is there (in his usual red shirt),
and he says: “She’s ready for you to come aboard, Sir!” And then Captain Kirk
gets in and drives off.
Then, the announcer tells us that they’ve got deals that are
“out of this world”, and that their service and selection will “set you on
stun” (!), and then they show the splash screen with the Enterprise logo and
stuff, but with Star Trek music behind it. And then for the tag, we cut back
into the office, and Patrick Stewart is materializing in the transporter bay,
but like he would in Star Trek: The Next Generation. And someone says: “Here comes another one…”
Anyway, it might be too expensive to license, but nobody
would ever forget this ad! And all the nerds on Planet Earth would surely
always beam up to the Enterprise from now on to rent their cars! (Plus, they
could sell the fake green Star Trek
shirts as novelties, and they’d be sure to be very popular with Star
Trek fans on St. Patrick’s Day! {They’d
probably become collector’s items, actually!}) Plus, with this new movie
series, they could just get Chris Pine to be Captain Kirk (and all the new cast, etc.), and they could tie
it into the next movie release! (Tie-ins are all the rage!) And they could have
Mr. Spock say it’s “logical” to use Enterprise Rent-A-Car, etc. It’s
practically endless what they could do with this!
(On the USS Defiant: “Star Date {whatever}: The Klingons
have set rental car prices so high, it’s destroying the Federation! What shall
we do?” And the “Starship Enterprise” {a space rental car office that looks
like the Starship Enterprise} shows up out of warp, and signals them, and they
get their cars for going down to a planet surface, and then the captain says to
the landing crew: “Man! Now we get to ride in style! Remember what it used to
be like? Walking everywhere? This is so much better…!”)
