Recently, I noticed that NetFlix has that old Wes Craven
movie I never saw called Deadly Blessing,
and I mused about how that rhymes with Debra Messing. So then that became “Deadly
Messing”, and I decided to try to come up with a show or movie called Deadly Messing. And since Deadly Blessing is about some incubus or
something, I thought maybe she could be a succubus. And because she was in Will & Grace, I thought maybe she
could have a gay roommate or something. So here it is, the next big hot show
for Debra Messing: Deadly Messing
(coming soon to a TV set near you!*):
So in this show, Debra Messing is a succubus, sent to New
York City to damn men’s souls for all eternity by seducing them into lust.
(Yeah, right: like a succubus would be necessary for New York! But I digress…)
So upon first arriving in the city, she gets whistled at by a man who says she
looks hot and fierce, so she follows the guy home to seduce and condemn him,
but it turns out he’s a gay man, and he just liked her dress and thought she
looked hot for a chick. Oh, but as it turns out, he’s got an extra room to
rent, and he says that men are either too messy or too picky, so he insists she
move in with him, and he won’t take no for an answer.
So she moves in with him, and every guy she meets and tries
to seduce ends up being gay, and they aren’t attracted to her sexually, so they
just end up talking about shoes and stuff. And the longer she stays living
there, the more well-known she becomes throughout the New York gay community.
So she gets frustrated with not meeting any men she can target, and so she starts
sneaking out to other bars and nightclubs to find men to seduce and damn to
hell for all eternity, but wherever she goes, she gets recognized and
cock-blocked by some gay guy she knows from her neighborhood, because they keep
saying the guys she’s after “aren’t good enough for her”. So after a while, she
complains that she’s not getting laid enough, so her gay friends try to set her
up with guys they know, but it turns out they’re all in the closet, and she
never gets to seduce or condemn anyone (but all her gay friends get hooked up
and paired into relationships, etc.).
And so the show is all about how this succubus never gets to
seduce anyone, and all the hijinks resulting from her foiled attempts to find
men to seduce and damn, as well as her friendship and experiences within the
New York City gay community. So it would be like Sex and the City, but without any sex. And she tries to advise her
gay friends on how to behave in bed to get damned for lust, but they end up
just having a lot of fun instead, and she is constantly frustrated in her
mission, failing to get anyone damned no matter what she tries.
So she just ends up killing toy dogs at night to get out her
frustrations, which is why she’s called: “Deadly Messing”. And then she keeps
showing up with dead toy dogs in her mouth, and her roommate has to dispose of
the bodies and try to replace the dogs with new dogs of the same breed without
anyone finding out (a worn out old sit-com trope, although usually used for when
parents have to replace their kids’ dead pets; but I bet it would be the number one show on all of TV just so we could all see Debra Messing with a dead Paris Hilton-type yippy dog in her mouth each week!).
* Actually, probably not. But it would be a fun show, I’ll
bet.
