Olympic Equestrian Taekwondo

I was watching the Olympic horsie stuff, and it occurred to me that the horses were doing all the work, while the people were getting all the credit. I think if horses are going to be involved in Olympic competition, the least we could do is give them the credit, and let them get a little revenge on humans for forcing them to do our bidding for so long. (PeTA will agree, I’m sure!) But how to do it? Well, in the recent Olympic tradition of whittling away events, how about combining some to keep everyone in the game somehow? And what better way than to combine Equestrian with Taekwondo for a new event: Equestrian Taekwondo?

Here’s how this would work: The guy who usually rides the horse and bosses it around will poke the horse in the butt from behind with a stick until the horse kicks them. Then, Olympic officials measure the distance of the kick, and the longest kick wins. And just to be nice to the people, they get to wear umpire pads or whatever works best to protect them from serious injury. (Although the horse gets bonus points for injuring them through the pads.)

Seriously: wouldn’t you watch it? I would. I’ll bet it would be the highest-rated event in the entire Olympics! (Especially since horse people tend to be rich, and there is a big worldwide recession going on.)

(You know, one of the most fun parts of this idea for me is imagining the training regimens teams will develop for this event. I mean, you know someone will invent a robotic device to poke horse bottoms and then measure the force of the kicks, right? And then, obviously, the human part of the team will have to toughen themselves up by getting beaten in the solar plexus with cricket bats and baseball bats, or else train by having cannonballs shot into their chests.)