I’m the only one!
Remember that song Tigger used to sing in the Winnie the Pooh cartoon TV specials? Well hasn’t anyone ever thought about what he’s actually saying? Aren’t tigers and other wild animals endangered now? Yes, they are! And don’t we have this tiger guy saying the best thing about him is that he’s “the only one”? Well, what else do you need to know?
Obviously Tigger is killing off all the other jungle cats so he’ll be the only one left! And since he’s not smart enough to be able to correctly spell “tiger”, is it really so much of a stretch to think he’d also not be able to differentiate between his own genus of jungle cat and all the others? So obviously he’s the one who’s been killing off all of the other animals to ensure his status as being “the only one”!
Look, I know he also says that his top is made out of rubber, and his bottom is made out of springs, and that he’s bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, pouncy, and fun, fun, fun, fun, fun; but he himself says that the most wonderful thing about tiggers is that he’s the only one (!!!). Well he just came out and admitted it himself right there, didn’t he? What else do I have to say here? Isn’t it obvious?
Oh, and here’s the kicker: he clearly states that everyone else is jealous of him (!). So unquestionably he’s paranoid! And who else would conspire to harm everyone else around them but someone who is paranoid that everyone else is jealous of him? Ask any psychiatrist: it’s true! If there were any other tiggers, it would completely devastate his psyche, and he’d cease to be himself in his own mind. So surely he must strike out and remove all other contestants to his claim of being the only one, right? Right?
Here is the proof of what Tigger’s been up to (but you have to really read between the lines to figure it out, man!):
Okay, this is just a joke, and Tigger is innocent. Please don’t sue me, frozen Walt Disney cyborg! It’s really Ted Nugent who’s to blame! I just saw the VH1 Classic Behind the Music about him last night, and I saw all the heads on his wall, so I know it’s the Motor City Madman! (That’s why they call him a “madman”!) Okay, it’s not really him either.
