Halliburton is back in the news again with a lawsuit over
the allegedly faulty cement job for the oil well that spilled so much oil into
the Gulf of Mexico a few short years back. And every time we hear the name
Halliburton again, at least for all the people I know anyway, we all think of
them as that company that got all the crony no-bid contracts during the Iraq
War. In fact, it has been suggested on more than one occasion by people on the
TV set that the whole purpose of the Iraq War was simply to give Halliburton
lots of blank check government contracts, since Dick Cheney was the head of
Halliburton before he became the vice president. (Perhaps Mr.
Cheney took the “vice” part of “vice president” a little too literally?)
But remember Blackwater? They changed their name to Xe, and
ever since then, we’ve barely heard of Blackwater at all. So I think maybe
Halliburton could use the same kind of image makeover a new name can help
create. But Xe is so obtuse-sounding, everyone might forget it, even people who
want mercenary services, so what I think Halliburton really needs is a new
name, but one that reminds us of the old company, and with something nice and
pretty to help distract us from the old yucky stuff that would turn us off and
make us think badly of them. And I think I’ve got just the name for them, too:
HalleBerryton.
Yes, just think of it: Halliburton becomes HalleBerryton,
and all of a sudden we’re thinking of the beautiful and talented Halle Berry.
We might remember some unsavory things about Halliburton we don’t like, but
then it would be drowned out by the image of Halle Berry’s smiling face and her
sexy bikini body. And then we’d welcome HalleBerryton to town whenever they propose to screw up the cement on
whatever oil well they want!
And, naturally, their new logo would be a picture of Halle Berry's smiling face, like so:
