Thursday, September 25, 2014

NYC Groundhog Day (The Horror/Terrorism Movie)

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio is speaking today about an alleged NYC subway terrorist plot referred to be the new Iraqi prime minister. But there was a news story today claiming Mayor de Blasio killed a groundhog when he dropped it earlier this year, and that there was allegedly a cover-up at the zoo, and I was wondering if he was going to apologize for that wanton act of groundhog murder.

And that’s when it hit me: the groundhog murder and the NYC subway plot: they’re connected! Yes, you see, groundhogs know that Mayor Bill de Blasio has gotten away with groundhog murder, and they want revenge! And what kind of plot could groundhogs carry out? Why, an underground one, that’s what! And where’s the subway? It’s underground, isn’t it? And so it’s clear that this threatened subway plot is going to be carried out by groundhogs to get revenge for their fallen, murdered comrade Hizzonah got away with killing by covering it up. And then I thought this would make for an exciting horror/action/revenge/terrorism/nature-strikes-back movie, taking place in New York City, and showing the horrific revenge of angry groundhogs on the city’s subways.

Just imagine it: rabid, monstrous groundhogs attack the city’s subway system, and they won’t leave until they’re chewed us all to bits! There’s only one thing we can do: deliver the mayor to them on a silver platter, but the riot police, using police state tactics, won’t let the citizens get justice for the groundhogs!

It’s all the man-eating groundhog terrorist action you can handle, it’s: NYC Groundhog Day, coming soon to a theater near you!

(This is all just a joke, I hope you understand.)

Here’s the story about the grisly groundhog murder and cover-up: