This ad campaign shows how eating a Milky Way makes people
ridiculously, criminally negligent, irresponsible, and incompetent. And I think
that’s what most people are looking for in a product: something to blame for
our criminal negligence and incompetence, or perhaps something to make us that
way. I know that’s why I buy most products, like beer, for example. But I
didn’t know a candy bar could make you a walking disaster. Now I want a Milky
Way!
The next ad should show terrorists smuggling a bomb through
the airport security line while the TSA agents eat a delicious Milky Way bar.
Or maybe a dangerous murderer escaping from a court building and stealing a
police officer’s gun and shooting everyone in sight while the bailiffs and
sheriff’s department deputies enjoy delicious Milky Way bars. Maybe the
terrorists and the murderer’s accomplice actually give the Milky Way bars to
the agents in question. Then, after scores of people are killed horribly, the
negligent officers say: “Sorry, I was eating a Milky Way.” And then the judge
sentencing them says: “I’m sorry you were eating a Milky Way too, because had
you not been, you might have done your jobs and prevented great loss of life! But
eating a Milky Way or not, you’re still responsible for your criminal
negligence. And you’re going to be very sorry you were eating a Milky Way,
because I sentence you all to life in prison, where you’ll have all the time in
the world to think about how much that Milky Way was worth the lives of all the
people your negligence got killed!”
I thought children mainly ate candy bars, not adults.
Perhaps these ads are cautionary tales warning us about how much our lives will
be irreparably ruined if we ever eat a Milky Way; or maybe the ad agency is so
concerned about obesity that they decided to kill the chances of anyone eating
a Milky Way candy bar from now on with this ad campaign. It sure does make the
product look like a disaster in a wrapper, doesn’t it? I mean, I understand that
this ad is supposed to be a joke and all, but I think the joke is on Milky Way
for approving this.
Here are a couple of examples of this ridiculously
wrongheaded ad campaign:
