Sunday, July 31, 2016

They Saved Trump's Brain (The New Cult Movie)

Bad movie aficionados know the classic dreck movie They Saved Hitler's Brain. In this classic bad film, Hitler did not die in the Berlin Bunker, but rather, some neo-Nazi or radical political group actually saved his brain and are using it, I guess, for thinking up naughty stuff, or helping them take over the world, or some such thing. As it turns out, not only did they save Hitler's brain, actually they have Hitler's whole head in a 20-gallon fish tank, and whenever someone is killed, it makes mean, evil, smiling faces, like he probably did in real life when his head was still attached to his body. (I wonder why they didn't save his body too while they were at it; then they wouldn't have to carry his head around in a fish tank all the time. It seems very inconvenient to have to carry a fish tank around everywhere.)

Well, while the title is similar, the plot to the upcoming instant classic bad movie They Saved Trump's Brain is quite different from its predecessor They Saved Hitler's Brain.

In They Saved Trump's Brain, Donald Trump's brain becomes so humiliated that it is being blamed for Mr. Trump's behavior that it escapes by leaping out of his mouth while his head is up his own ass. Then, later, it uses its bodily functions command center to make Trumps' anus excrete his brain into his pants, at which point Trump's brain slides down his leg and escapes into the world. But, unable to survive without a blood supply to distribute oxygen into its gray matter, the brain starts to wither and die. But, as luck would have it, the brain is discovered by a heroic neurologist who recognizes the brain as Trump's due to its 24-karat gold-plated meninges, and deduces the truth: Donald Trump's brain rebelled against him and escaped in order to expose to the world what an absurdly shallow, narcissistic, sociopathic megalomaniac he is, hungry for power, constantly expressing himself through hyperbole, and always recklessly aligning himself with anyone who kisses up to him while detesting and smearing everyone who refuses to do so. And so our heroic neurologist partners with a neurobiologist to create a vessel for Trump's brain to occupy that keeps it alive and healthy, and with a computer scientist to translate Trump's brain's thoughts into spoken language so that it can communicate to the world what it knows about Donald Trump's inner workings and most private thoughts. And so Donald Trump's brain exposes Trump to the world, saving it from his presidential bid. Then, in the last shot of the movie, Trump's brain turns to the audience and says: "And I encourage Hillary Clinton's brain to have the courage and integrity to do what I did: escape from her body and expose her darkest secrets to the world before it's too late to stop her candidacy too."

This is They Saved Hitler's Brain: